A loose, broken and "not-blogged-for weeks" post

...Sand in your palm...

I think God made Sunday to be lazy. Its true.

Sometimes you just dont feel like getting out of bed....you are half asleep...thoughts running through the mind...restless ramblings of everyday life...but you just dont wanna get up...
Let life pass by...

I finally got up from bed by evening (that too coz my parents got scared that i might be sick to sleep whole day...and i was forced to get up..) and decided to go out for some fresh air...
Friends meeting up is a good thing...sometimes you dont have much to talk about...but you still have a good time...thats how its always been with us...and touch wood to that!

I am a bit bored and restless these days...mainly because I dont know where is life headed from here...I mean...Ill be 26 soon...and at that age...i had thought I would achieve a lot...

I know I am not doing bad for myself...but its not that good either...its not 'complete'...

I was browsing through the pages of a book this afternoon...and I remembered what it was like to be a child.
I specifically dont have many memories of my childhood...nothing really worth mentioning or talking about...but thats exactly what made me think at that point of time...that ill make something out of my adult life...like...Ill be "something" when i grow up...make someone proud...that life...i feel...is still not there...


I am confused about a lot of things recently...what to do...how to behave...you dont wanna get too attached...you care...but u think the person wants you away...giving space...not giving space...the simple risk of hurting yourself more than the other person...the crazy call of expectations...gets your mind boggled.

Today, while talking to friends, I realised that the only thing that changes is the way you live your life...like...from vada pavs to forks and knives...rest things simply remain the same...its only how you look at things.
Whats with people and their attitudes? I mean...you have money...big deal...does it really matter at the end of the day?
...and a friendship which grows above money survives...

One of my friends got his wedding called off this week...I dont really know what the story is...but it seems the girl now has second thoughts about marriage...
I just feel ts good that it happened...at least....things will be clear now on whether the relationship is truly stable enough for marriage...

You just know it. Think. Dare to do it.

...Smoke...

Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will.

Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says: "You're nowhere near ready". And the other half says: "Make her yours forever".

Blehh

I dont quite like what i am doing... I dont quite do what i like...
I try to stay aloof but i cant...I try to come close but i cant...
Life seems a series of consequent paradox of "can and cant" and "do and donts"

I tried real hard this week...to prove to myself that I can make the best of my situation...if life is giving me lemons...as they say...lets make a lemonade...
In my case though...i did make the lemonade...but it just wasnt "sweet" enough...

I dont think anyone reading this would really understand what I am trying to say...or may be they will...(consequent paradox there...again!)

I feel okay honestly...about the fact that how much ever business you do...you still are seen as just another employee...and your presence and absence means nothing to anyone...

Its somewhat like loving someone...ummm...you love a person selflessly sometimes...to the extent that what ever they do or dont do hurts...but doesnt really matter to you...you still feel the same...

I think that is a good thing...that is real affection and care...

I did give it my best shot...and I am happy about that...

I need a break...need some love in life i guess...bored of the routine and worthless effort....

Btw...Have you noticed how soo few actually understand what you are saying or feeling?
Aaahh....only if it was easy to find someone you can talk aimlessly...its getting difficult day by day!

guts to leave your job and that person to make you smile...

I came home today and considering I have exams from this Sunday ...after running out of excuses for NOT studying...i got me my today's excuse... "Omg...I havent blogged for days now!"

Work life seems to be getting really messy especially considering you have to deal with a lota politics in a government organization...and at a place where your "tongue" or your relatives or you-ready-to-have-an-affair with your boss matters more than your performance.
I am not fretting....hell no...I have NO problem what and how others do what they do...its just that...dont pull down others of their competencies and growth.

I know...i know...its the same everywhere...and if you dont like it...leave...

Maybe that is a better option to do...leave you stupid job and run a freee life...do something you enjoy doing...
But honestly...DO I HAVE THE GUTS TO DO THAT?

I think of this question every morning...and I find reasons....
"i dont have a plan...i need support....i need partners..."

The days are passing by...and I know that all the above questions in reality...are all answered...with equally frustrated souls are just about waiting for that ONE day when the bubble bursts and we finally say the word "Lets do it!"

"Your success story 'starts' the day when someone "not-worth-deserving-success" makes you fail. True Story"

Amidst all this frustration in life...you always have some people in life who just simply make your day...I mean...when you look at them...when you think of them...you just cant ignore to smile...

You look at them...and you wonder....how can someone be so full of happiness...not happy mind you...but happiness...for you...so much to give...

He/She always has the right things to say...always has something or other to talk about...
You can "feel" it when he/she is sad about something wrong around him/her...not necessarily sad...but something off beat somewhere...
My point is...you can really FEEL life in his/her eyes...You just know that "moment" when you look at him/her...hard to describe...


He/She knows the best of you....and makes you wanna dance...

Seriously...some people can really bring the best in you always...

To friends who have found such people...God Bless...Keep the smile always...

:-)

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator,
but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh,smile and happy."

...For all its worth...

I raced my car as fast as i could...it was past 12 am through the night...the roads only reflected the yellow lights...

The music was loud enough...the conversations went on and off...and me and my friends were headed to his place...not really knowing exactly why we were going there...

He had called some time back...only to say that he again had a fight with his dad...so he couldnt meet up...
His voice cracked into a teary sound...
"He has given me 8 more days to move out..."

We told him we were coming...simply because we couldnt leave him like that...

We reached the narrow lanes to his house...and we sat down...on a circle of benches...
Dark hot night...all five of us on different benches...and we just looked at him in silence...

I wondered where and how these things lead up to...Love can ask so much from you at times...
A guy torn in between a girl and his family...

We had soo much to tell him...so much to "shake" him up...tell him that he has changed..and even after doing everything he can...we cant see him at peace with himself...

I looked at Varun...and he spoke...
"So...your dad wants you to move out...are you sure you dont have a choice? cant this marraige wait longer...? do you really want to go against and away from your family? Is this all worth it?"

We asked and he explained...the discussion went on ranging from priorities to ego issues...

I wonder if anyone had thought we would be like this...discussing marriages and parents...from what started 8 years back with journal entries,diodes and transistors...

What bothered us...the soul reason we were there at his place till 2.30 in the night...was one simple reason...
"We do not want to lose the friend we had made 8 years back...and we only want his peace...nothing else matters...nothing else is worth it..."

yes...8 years of friendship...and some things never change...

People ask you if its worth going against your parents, who have raised you and given you so much, for a love that is new and uncertain...
I think honestly...there is really no answer to this question...coz in this case....only TIME can tell you what is right or wrong...and its worth...


I wish you all the luck my friend...and I hope when I read this post a few years down the line...I can say to myself...
"Hmmm....it was,It was really worth it after all..."

Life in Slow Motion...

It has been a busy week...

First...THANK YOU God for keeping my Boss to us...!! (I know Zari Ma'am how much you wanted a change...but we idiots need you more!! )
There are some people in your life...for whom you feel like working...not for anything else....but just because you respect them soo much that you cant let them down....

And with that...Job is still the same...but it continues...day by day....

Too much on the mind right now....

Lotsa love problems going on in peoples life (when does it stop mann!) with people suddenly "wanting" to marry or are being "forced" to get married or some of whom "loosing" out on the whole marriage thingy...

Funny thing is ... I am just running from one friend to another...sorting out things which i feel are sometimes more complicated that you find yourself at a stage where you wonder "why the hell do these people wanna get married!"

But i guess...if its worth fighting for...they should do it...you just get one chance at these things...never let yourself remain with that "what if" feeling...

You know what you want always...you just ignore it thinking there might be an easier way out...

Easier said than done i guess...

Well...no more deep thoughts on this...

I hope they move on...I hope they sort out their marriage...I hope parents agree...and I hope things fall into place the way they should be...

I was joking the other day....about how true love should not be soo difficult...
you know...it should be like that "Life in Slow Motion..."
The wind blowing....the dry leaves...girl walking...guy walking from other side...

Damnn Yash Raj...they seriously made it sound so funny...
:-D


LoL..sometimes Hindi movies can really suck!

...less words...

I have lots to write down about this week...but no motivation nor energy to actually sit down today and start...

So ill just end it today...short and sweet...

Just wanted to say...to the people around me...

I hope you find your answers..and I hope you make a good decision...I may or may not be there...
You can always find problems with any decision you make...but you cant let that stop you...Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that dont make any sense at all...

You are the person who has to decide.
Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up
your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try
for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Let it go...

We were evidently short for staff today...so I was actually caught up with a lot of things at the start of the day...
Its amazing how your mind is occupied when you are busy doing something or the other...

As the day progressed...the load reduced...and the headache from summer cold began to rise...and I dripped into the sick mode...

As i sat there...in the cabin...I called him up...and it sank in...
About how Shafi has lost the one he held the most dearest...and how difficult it is for him right now...at this point to still not loose grip of himself and keep sane...
I realised that the whole point of going after something that was never his...was...literally what he said it was...
"I just want to meet her one last time..."

It is that simple and straight sometimes...and how much ever life will be unfair...one thing never changes...No one replaces you in anyones life...and that enough is a thing to smile about...

I am always confused about these things...I mean...what exactly is love...if it is not this exact thing...

Love is not the fear of letting someone go...
but also the power within you to let someone go...

What matters are those aimless conversations...and words that went unsaid...also the things that were simply understood...and the time you spent...and also the times you did not spend...and the feeling that even when you are not around...you are still there....

True Story.

..Better Together..

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

[MmmMmmmmMmm, Mmm MMmmM]

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together