...Funny...

My ORKUT profile displayed the following fortune today...

Today's fortune: The guy who reads your fortune is not feeling well. We hope you are.

It might seem like a very sad joke...but what amazes me is that even though it was a joke...it pretty well catches my mood today...!!

WHO AM I?

I was asked this question by a friend today...
"tell me...Who are you?"

For the 2 mins of that aimless conversation...i had nothing to say...so he gave me a paper and a pen and said..
"you "write" better than you "think"...so...i give you exactly 2 mins...write down anything and everything that comes to your mind..."

And so i wrote the following....I still dont know what the whole point of the exercise was and why am i blogging it...but then...when i read these points again...i can see gaps in myself which i can work on...

1. A highly over ambitious dude who aims for the best in life without realising sometimes that destiny perhaps too has a role
2. A moody freak who can have an extreme high or low of life in almost a split second
3. An fool who doesn't have the patience to accept anything going wrong and has to react even at the cost of losing all respect
4. An impulsive jerk who sometimes does what is the absolute correct but with absolute wrong timings
5. A person who lives almost for others and who can go to any extent to make someones day
6. A heart which gets affected by small things people close to him do wrongly and maybe never realise
7. A impatient fool who has to have things the "right" way...sometimes...only his way being the only way which is correct
   
8. A hopeless romantic who lives in his own dreams
9. A emotional jerk who is trying to cope with the practical way of living life.

I think everyone should try this...it might just help...

"The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing."

...ramblings through the night...

I was sitting on my bed the other evening and i found myself completely lost...just looked around the room aimlessly...not knwin what exactly is running through my mind...
Have ever had that feeling of being in a state where you just dont know what is goin on...
You are very much there...but your mind just goes blank...

Dont know why...but i am feeling aimless and lost for the past two days...
Have been thinking about a lot of things actually...but i just cant draw a point nor can i lead my scattered thoughts to any strong or sane conclusions...
Just random thoughts...situations....memories...people...come and cross the mind...and i find myself sitting at one place...trying to put some meaning to things...

I realised that i think too much about other people around me than myself...Everything that i do really is out of a consequence or need for others...in some way or other...
Not that i am not thinking about myself...but i feel its more that...my existence is a parallel stream of the events that i do for the other people around...

Its 2.15 a.m. in my watch right now...and i cant catch a wink of sleep...
I was lying on my bed...surprisingly...still thinkin about a person i know and what i can do to make this persons life better...
"maybe this should happen...or if i am there...i can do this for her..."
arrghh...cant really stop it u see...

Was cursing Rakesh today on the phone...telling him how his priorities have changed for a girl...and how everything that he does...revolves around just one person...how much ever he refuses to accept it...
I guess it happens to everyone...when you find that one important person in your life...everything else comes secondary...
The problem with my life is that i have more than countable such people...for whom my priorities keep shifting...

I wont call it love...its something more than that...its a feeling you cannot explain nor can u ever forget in your life...the satisfaction u get for making someones day!

Was siting today in the evening and thinking about the whole concept called LOVE...I dont think there is any such thing...just some manipulation of two peoples mind until they realise they are not fit for each other and start fighting again...
I always thought love has to happen naturally...that it makes you feel special...and it is always the feeling which makes you smile....

I now believe in being practical about things...not get affected by people...not be too attached...just coz it doesnt pay back...and if ever there exist such a concept called love....it just accfects you now and then...positively or negatively...and right now...i dont think i can give anything that much chance to affect myself...
Here...i am not just talking about relationships...it goes to families....friends....everyone around me...

Someone once told me that i live in a dream world...and that is why...i always get hurt...i think i now knw...that it is not my dreams...but my expectations of making other peoples life okay that constantly keeps torturing me...and the worst part is...how much ever i try...i cant make it stop...nor...can i stop trying or behaving the way i do...how much ever i say it affects me or how much ever i say i want to be practical about things...

I really dont know what i am saying is making any sense at all coz i am just writing down anything and everything that is coming to my mind...
(what else do u expect at 2.30 at night!)

I think i am seriously falling in love...and i need to stop myself from even getting closer to the idea of being in love...coz i think i have far realised that I definitely am not a person who will ever get LOVE in his life...
With me, Love is like the most the prettiest,smartest and cutest girl in your college...you know you like her...you know no one in this world can ever understand her better...you know you are the only one she is perfect to be with...but all you can actually do...out of the dream world...is to watch her fall in love with the geekiest guy in your college...!
(what a metaphor i must say...but very true indeed...and i must say...Love actually is like that!)

Okay...now....when i read this post 20 years from now and try to remember who was this person i am talkin abt....i would just like to uplaod a pic of hers...so that there is no confusion..

Yupp...thats her...Cobie Smulders is her name...

Have watched all the seasons of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER including the one presently running almost 3 times by now...

I simply loooove this serial mannn...Beleive it or faint...i have been actually coaxing people around me to watch it...almost to the exent of torturing them in to seeing it...
(One of my friends asked me how much do the producers pay me for promoting the serial in India...!)


Well...the idea of the serial is very close to my heart....A guy telling his children about how he met their mother...
I wish i could ever have a story...it would be fun....
Now thats something eh!

Being too happy and ....BALLS!

Can you ever be so happy that you are scared that something bad might just happen...after all...Life works in phases of good and bad...
I have seen people who live in the good of things...its as if nothing seems to trouble them...and the contentment shows on their face..
My friends argue though that no one can be totally happy and blessed all the time...Everyone suffers...its just how much of it you see as a third person...

I go back to thinking that i have never been too happy or excited about anything till now...you know...the happiness that will make you shout out loud...and i wonder sometimes if that will ever come to me...
but then i guess if thats the case...and if life balances itself in everything it does....i would never have experienced immense sorrow or pain too...and then...whenever i felt this was the most painful moment of my life...maybe it really wasnt....it could have been worse...

There are certain things in my life to which i dont give a damn...Some things have just stopped mattering...and I think somewhere...I have killed a part of me for that...in trying to be more practical towards life than the emotional fool i was...

Yesterday I did something which i and the whole class of MBA will remember for a very long time i think...
I still argue with my conflicting thoughts of whether what i did was right or wrong...but i think...what happened was just waiting to be done...today or tomorrow...
I dont know if anyone else has the balls to stand up for the stupidity and manipulation which goes on...but from what i have learnt in my life..Someone has to stand up for what is right...If people can be unreasonable because of their authority...someone has to show them the limits...and i am glad everyone agrees to that...

"THE MORE YOU KEEP QUIET AND SHOW NO PAIN...THE MORE PEOPLE WILL PIERCE THE KNIFE DOWN YOUR STOMUCH"

Incomplete

Just not feeling good today....I think i know whats bothering me...but i dont need to accept it...
Feel like getting drunk and cool off somewhere...(damnn...the sad part here is...i am not much of a drinker..hate it actually!)
I wish life was simple...where you did not have to think so much...where things would role the way you wanted to...FOR ONCE at least!!!

This is not really frustration thats coming out...its stress i think...and a sort of pain of seeing things happen the way they do...with you just being a blank observant...waiting for a chance or a jolt of serendipity to strike...
You always know though at the back of your mind that it never will...it never has...

I dont know what it takes these days...Life is amazingly good..but not excellent...and its not about my expectations...but I keep getting this hunch that I could do things better....that life can be more beautiful...and the only thing thats stopping that from happening is the acceptance of a certain facts...and a fear of spoiling a perfectly good life...

I wrote the above lines abt an hour ago and i have no idea really what it implies...but it does reflect the confused state of mind i am...and the funny part is....i am repeating myself again and again about the same thing...without actually knowing where i want these thoughts to go or conclude...

College will be over in a few days...and it wont really matter...For me...it will be an apt change...and i think a smooth transition...
Was speaking to a friend outside college about the past one and a half years...the college life in general...
and by the end of the conversation...I revealed to him what i think i shuldnt have touched really...
It just came out...and i soo wish i dint keep thinking about it all the time now...
(Ohh boyyy...that will be really badd!)

He asked me if i would seriously not miss anything from college...and even though he was not surprised by my negative answer....he pointed out a thing that would not leave me for long....

"I agree you wont miss college...but then why are you carrying that incomplete feeling with you now...as if something is still to be done...somethin is left behind..."

I wont say he is wrong..because i know what is incomplete...left undone...but let it remain...its better untouched...

The knowable world is incomplete if seen from any one point of view, incoherent if seen from all points of view at once, and empty if seen from nowhere in particular.

New Year and a special moment...

This is the first New Years eve that i did not feel like getting out of the house...Surprisingly enough...This was also the first time that my friends had a concrete plan for a party...
Every other time...you will find us contemplating on ten different places and finally landing up having absolutely no idea how we are going to spend the final night of the year...
But yes...We do end up always having the best time of our lives!

This time it was different though...and i preferred to stay at home...Did not really go out and party...
I really dont know the reason...Sometimes there is no reason...just a bit of incompleteness in the whole going out and partying thing...
Maybe now i want something else...spend time with someone else...i really dont know what it is...

I have had a great year end....I always do actually...December is always good...its always about a new hope and a new running...something positive...everything good...
and i am happy...and i am glad about how the air feels around...You know nothing is there to stop you...stop you from doing good...

You know...thats the beauty of having these few people around...you always know..that regularly...your days will look special...once in a while maybe...but untill they are around...YOU WILL HAVE FUN!

I came across this poem today...and i am sure i will be using it at a very speacial moment in my life...I really dont know when...but i will...
Read this slowly...and i will kill myself you you arent amazed!

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear.. no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart... i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

If that did not bring a smile on your face....I really dont know what will...!!!

I was just sitting on my bed today...and i realised...i am having a serious crush on this gal i knw...!
(ohh....now i knw you are dying to know who that is...and yeahh....its not about to be told...so forget it!)

The season where evry1 wants to get married...!

Have you noticed the number of people getting married these days...its as if the world is suddenly coming to an end and all the people decided to enter marital life in a rush before they die!

I have actually lost count of the number of wedding invitations coming to our place everyday...and considering my own elder brothers wedding is to be in February...it all seems....well... wierd!!

School friends....college friends...buddies...suddenly...are now people who are starting a family!

Well...thats life i guess...every day is a new surprise...

The wonder though...that all the people who marry...each one of them....never expects that he/she will be in the 46% of the couples whose marriages eventually failed over a period of time...
Bad thing to expect when you are getting married but still...but knowing this...If you still go ahead with it...mannn....that girl/boy must be really worth it eh!

Looking at me and looking at people around...I wish relationships were a bit easier...they are in a way...always...but we always have to find atleast one small reason (tiny winy reason may it be!) to make it complicated...
Of course....how else will you add that "masala" to your life...

Come to think of it...If i met a girl...i approached her...we became friends...i realised i love her...she feels the same...and there you go...lifes a bliss...there are flowers and dried leaves falling from god knws where...and suddenly...in the middle of the day...i burst out into a romantic song...!

I mean...if it was always this simple...what would be the fun in it???
Its like a Karan Johar movie...which just started and ended its story in the trailor!!
(OMG...that would be real sadd...wont it!)

So...the conclusion here will be... MAKE A LOVE STORY THAT INSPIRES KARAN JOHAR TO MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF!
Full on emotions...drama...romance...fun...!
~ LOL ~
(Godd...i cant believe i jut wrote that! ill ignore the above lines everytime i read this blog...and if someone does ask... im in complete denail that i wrote it!)

How many times in your life...have you seen a person, Everytime you meet someone interesting , and said..."What will it be like being in a relationship with this person?"
How much ever you deny it...If you are single...i guarantee you do it every single time..conciously or subconciously...!

The point here is...there are many people in your life...I only wished the equation to relationships was a bit simple...if it always clicked the very first time...and more importantly...BOTH DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

I admit it...I DREAM of Love..almost every second...every minute...And i find it to be perfect...mainly because its a picture of something i would and always want to have...And of course, Life is different in it...it is good...nice...heart warming...
Dont ask me whom i dream of...coz its not a girl i dream of...its love...the girl...will eventually follow someday...
:-)

amol: Why just ppl cant live a simple practicle life than complicated dreamy life
Prasad: coz we always try to turn our dreams into reality

amol: thats where we make our life miserable

Prasad: for some ppl...its the way to live...

amol: the dream u r talking about is about ur passion to be something

not impossible things...and then u make other ppls lives miserable

Prasad: but thats wat....ur dreams are abt YOU...they were never abt others!

amol: so while pursuing that dream we effect other ppls lives

Prasad: maybe...little realising that even your life is gettin affected

:)

something i want...but something i dont expect...

I think the biggest thing about old friendship is that it just gets crisper and crisper with time...
Some of the friends you made...can never be let gone of...no matter what happens....things have to get back to normal...as if nothing happened...
That exactly shows the purity of that relationship...and most importantly...how much you and the other person/people value the pure bond you share...

It cant be let gone of ever...cant be replaced...and thats the bottom line!

I was telling a friend the other day about how i have realised the kind of person i am...and about how i can genuinely care for some people...maybe do things out of my way...
I only do things that come naturally to me...and maybe its because thats the way i am...i wont do anything out of force or compulsion...so...whatever happens...its normal..and natural...

I will not change the person that i am...i just cannot do that....but definitely....now...i have become careful...and practical to some extent...

I wanna do many things...but i stop myself from doing it....somewhere its about how people with take it...and what will the consequences be...about whether or not they deserve that much of importance in my life...

I believe strongly now...that if things have to happen....if friendships are to be immortal...if love has to last....it happpens naturally...and somehow...it is destined to be...

I have had some really good time in the past few days...memories and moments i will cherish for life...

A silent conversation...a funny story...bits of paper joining lives...A dark night...a look that says it all...a moment to cry it all out...a caring word that changes everything...close yet so distant...

...and i think its because i have learnt to let go...and not hold on to things...expecting they will materialize and be a part of my life...but doing what is to be done...and what you feel like doing...

Learn to give share and care selflessly...it might not return the same from the same source...but it will help another part of your life...
sometimes...where more is needed...
When you really want something,have the courage to walk away from it...

One month blog!

Its been exactly one month since I last blogged...not that i had nothing to write about...but i just thought what it would be like to put a whole months thoughts into one single post...so..yeah...this post might come across as a bit distorted...irrelevant situations put together maybe...

This month has been good...and a lot of memories created which will last for long...

I dont understand why they have internal exams in MBA....everything is just a formality...and the marks are favoured...on the basis of where you rank in the books of the professors...
MBA is not about marks...not about theory...not about how good you wrote an answer..and if they do realise this...and why dont they do something about it!
A serious pattern change i say...no exams plzz...
I look at the 74% i scored...and it just doesnt mean anything to me...primarily coz i know i havnt taken much efforts to get...
but hey...im not complaining...whatever more you get is yours to keep right! ;-)

The exams came and went really fast...and somewhere i think everyone in the class knew this was an unofficial end to MBA...the last sem is just a formality really...hardly matters...
I havent really attached myself to MBA...so its a serious doubt if i will miss the place...the course...the people...?
Maybe a few people...i really dont know...

Had taken a break to Goa with a few friends some days ago....somewhere needed to be away for a while...
As amazing as the time spent was...it gave me a chance to actually relaise what i have always wanted...people i would like to be around...people i miss...and who really matter to me...

I think the major problem in your life is that there are certain things which you would like to avoid and get away from...and then there are those certain things which you want to keep close but cant for some unknown reason...the essence of life i think...is to blend these two things...
Being where YOU want to be...and what YOU want to do...rather than to bother about how these things (which hardly matter anyways!) will impact your life...
Live in a way that will impact situations around instead...create a world for yourself rather than trying to everytime adjust yourself to something that doesnt seem like a place you should be at...


Not every time in an interview does the Interviewer say this to you...
"You know apart from the profile we are looking for....whatever be the result of this interview...i would first like to compliment you and your parents for the values they have brought you up with..."

That felt really nicee...Called up my Mom and Dad and told them...somewhere...i am glad i could make them proud somehow...
That day was I think the start of a new positive stride in my life...

The way I see it...If i have not done anything wrong till now...and if i have been true...Nothing bad can happen...eventually...everything will be alright...and that feeling hasnt gone since that day...that smile hasnt gone since that day...
You fret about the past...about things that shouldnt have happened....but its nice to face the future with that smile on the face...

Me and a friend were having this conversation about how people should keep things the way they are...and not spoil the relationship that you share with the person at any cost..
like..If you are a friend...keep being a friend...dont spoil it by saying you are in love with that person...it will just make things uncomfortable...and eventually will lead to a break in the friendship because things just got irritating for the person...too much than he/she could take...
I dont completely agree to that...i mean...if that is what is to be done...how else will commitments be formed...Somewhere...when people meet...you always know what kind of relationship you want with that person...denying it...and avoiding it is just foolish and unfair i think...
And if it really makes things uncomfortable...the freindship/relationship was never meant to be...

I was thinking about all the people i know in and around me...and what they mean to be..and i was surprised about how I really feel for some people now...some relationships in life change...but in some cases...the core always remains...no matter what...and it happens naturally...

You need to laugh more. Life is filled with too many problems, to not laugh every day. ... We need to have a sense of humor going into this because it's too tough without it.
Coz sometimes...even though you know how its gonna end...doesnt mean you cant enjoy the ride...

I am loving the month so far...more things to write about...in the posts to come...

SIng Along...its the RIGHT air...

It happens...it always does...

Occasionally....you always are hit by this breeze of positive notes of music in the air...Its as if the Gods of Nature are singing to you...

Try this sometime...Hook on to your ipods/music players while walking on the road...and tune into your favorite song of the day...

"Tu sabbr toh kar mere yaar

zara saans to leh dildar

chal fikrr nu goli maar

yaar hain din jindadi de chaar...

haule haule ho jayega pyar chaleya

haule haule ho jayega pyar.."

It could be any song...a soothing tune...or a rocking filmy number...

Pump up to full volume...and just start concentrating on the lyrics...

You will immediately feel what exactly i am talking about...And it just changes your mood...

As if LIFE is calling you...showing you "the" reason to live...

Have ever wondered how sometimes the most shittiest of songs and lyrics sound amazingly well in situations...

How much ever i hate numbers which are a mere compilation of the regular gaalis and abuses...they are sometimes just what you need...

Entered Furtados office today...No idea why...and with no intentions what so ever....I never really understood why we did that...But i guess it was basically the love of Music and the idea of Marketing Music is something unique...

(Godd...that reminds me...I own a guitar...! Yipppiiiee!)







The point here isnt about bragging about my guitar though (yaa...i knw... THANK GOD!) its something different...






I am surprised by the comments and compliments i am getting from 3 people in the last one month... From people who have appreciated certain things about me and they are thankful that they did not miss knowing me.


But surprised is the word...I think it is very kind of them to say nice things...i dont know to what extent they mean it...but its nicee...to be valued sometimes...


What amazes me though...is that people say that i have opened up and taken efforts to go ahead and get to know people that i have stayed aloof for a while...
But come to think of it...Its really not me who has changed...because i know for sure that i havent taken any extra efforts to go out and talk to people...


It is THESE people who have actually come forward and known me...and i thank them for that...


"I do what i do...i am effortlessly genuine is whatever i do...be it HATE or CARE"