What do I want to be?

I specifically and distinctly remember this time in school one day...when it was raining heavily...and we were waiting at the school gate for the bus to arrive...

I was staring at the school gate...as the water from the rains wet the iron bars of the gate...
That day...that moment...i remember...my mind wandered thinking as to what I would be like when I am OLD...a MAN...bigger....stronger...I mean...whom will i grow into becoming...what profession I would be in...where would my life be...

I am sure you know...Its that nascent stage in school when you dont really know what life holds ahead...you are just learning a lot of things....getting to know a lot of amazing things about the world around you...and you are not really bothered about anything else...

I had a friend whose parents were doctors...and I knew that he knew what he would want to become when he grew older...and he sure did become one good doctor...
I also had this other friend whose parents were doctors...but he was sure he did not want to become one...and yes...he didnot become one...and has supposedly started his own business...and is doing pretty good i hear...

I...for one....at that moment....looking at the school gate...DID NOT know what I want to become...I....to be honest....did not know...what "becoming someone" and "doing something" was...
I was wondering what it would be like...but i had no clue where I wanna be...like my friends did...

I STILL DONT....

It amazes me sometimes...how some people are and always have been clear about what they want to do..and yes...sometimes it does bother me a lot..

That school boy who was wondering what life would be like...is still inside me..the rains remind me of him...
I like that boy...who simply wanted to learn...and know more...and not have to decide...where he wants to be...

Whatever you do, it's what you are going to be.
And I just don't know what I want to be. Yet.

Thinkin...

They say that the basis of all problems...and even solution for that matter...is how your thoughts drag you...

Have you ever sat down concentrating on what exactly you are thinking...It amazes you right...what all the brain has to offer...extremes...madness...nonsense thoughts which more than 90% of times go nowwhere after seconds of revolving in your head.

Come to think of it...this blog has been a result of such random...sometimes useless thoughts...

Anyways...moving on....

Today I did not make myself available at work...to break the routine...and will be off to Goa for some fun this evening...
Was just telling a friend the other day that this is the longest I have ever "worked" with the same company and doing a job I dont necessarily like that much...
2 years is bigggg time for me....

But then...the plan has to work...and so i keep that thought aside...for better things to come...

When I look back at my life...Everything seems ok...things have happened for best...and how much ever i crib on a daily basis about my work...i dont think i would have made friends like i made in the past 2 years anywhere else...or done things i have done or will be doing in the coming days...

Met some good people...and some great ones...and will be meeting some awesome ones in the days to come...

So then....Cheers to LIFE....see you in Goa...!
:)

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."

This is the time of My Life...

A song to go down the memory lane...and for better hope for the moment...and the times to come...

...Patience...

Halt!! Just...just...wait a bit....

This is what I have told myself for the past 2 years everytime I have felt like flipping out...or running away...
"I dunno what I want to do...so does no one else around me...so lets just wait and keep patient...for once...before I make a hasty decision..."

Work though...has not been going anywhere...I am trying to "join the dots" like Steve Jobs said...but somehow...I think 2 years is enough time to move on...
Try something new...explore and challenge myself with something different...and maybe in the process....ill end up joining the dots of life...and know what I really want to do career wise...something that would "define" me...complete my existence here.

Life has been pretty cool otherwise...My refrain from blogging was something I think had chosen...somehow felt I had nothing new to share or write...
But I have decided to start again...afresh...to keep myself and my blog updated...small posts maybe...day after day...something irrelevant maybe...to make sense by the end of the day...

The trip to Dubai last month was something I will cherish my entire life...mainly because it was my first trip to foreign land...something I have always wished to do...to see the world...and this was a start to it....


This was a sort of "me-still-here" kinda post...and my aberrations will continue in the posts to come...

To all those who follow and dont follow me...thank you for your PATIENCE...

Thank you for the faith that some day I will find myself...that some day...
I will know what I want...and dont want...

(I started writing this post on 11th April and finally managed to "get on" with it on 24th April! lolzz)

In and Out

no words...may be some other day

...notes to note...

Its been a realllly realllyy long time I know...
and somehow it might feel strange....but i have a very happy reason for staying away...a reason that I think need not be shared here...
:)

Finally got sometime to sit down today....in the midst of the "busy" work life....busy but awesomely boring work life that is...a part of my todays post is gonna be about this...but not everything...

(Being away...i realised...makes to wanna fill the gap and write everythin down...but ill try and keep it short!)

I cant understand why companies and individuals dont have priorities...
My present experiences with work...every day...makes me feel that somehow...we are largely aimless about where we are headed...and how we are headed...
Worst part is...when you join a company after your studies...I dont think anyone for that matter knows why you are joining that particular company...its more about the salary and renumeration always than the actual work...because...you never really are clear about the actual work you gonna do...

I, personally know that I am as aimless in my professional life as a drunk and high teen trying to get home...but I feel that even a lost guy like me can change a lot here...can give this place a direction of sorts...
Makes me wanna shout sometimes and tell people what they need to do...and what they dont.

One person. Outdated customer. Shouting at you. You go out of your way ( and i mean really reallyy out of the way!) to get his work done. He doesnt care. Shouting continues. All effort waste.

I wouldnt really like to explain more of such instances..but people should really learn to prioritize business. So do companies.

Moving on to other things....

* Me turned down a really high paying job offer!! :O

(As foolish as it sounds right now...I would like to call it "a process of finding myself" and just stop ther...)

* Me getting a new car!!

(I know no one cares by now...coz i have been contemplating this for more than 6 months now...lolzzz....but choosing between BEAT and i 10 is tough mannn!!)

* Me got new books to read!!!

(Another additions to a large collection...which i dunno when ill complete...)

* Me not going to the gym!!!

(Wtf! I have nothing to write about this...expect that...i bloodyy get back at it! )

...and lastly....to end this post on a high note...

* Mes as happy as being in love!!!

The guy and the girl in the mirror...

I have been strangely away from writing for a very long time now...

I believe that since this blog was meant to be a note of my life...I do need to update it more often...

Have been busy the last couple of days...interestingly....for the first time...not because of work...or anything specifically "non-exciting" happening...

I am amazingly in a good mood these days...and with a gentle smile always on the face...and i thank the reason for the smile from the bottom of my heart for making me this way...

Have been looking at life with a new 'angle'... as they say...with a new leash to succeed and achieve unfinished, unfulfilled dreams...

Have been finalizing certain things job and career wise...and am arriving at answers...conclusions...and understanding what i really want and need to do...which...by all standards of what i know myself till now...is an AWESOME progress!!

The title of this post...holds no relevance to the blog as such....it is for my reference...and a moment...like many others...i would keep in my memory...

The right moment...always sticks to you...leads to your happiness...

To all the weddings and related fun coming in the next few weeks...to all my friends with whom ill have a balll....to all the friends who are getting married...

"Lets just rock!"

Watched "The Social Network" today...and the movie...by all means...DEFINES what entrepreneurship is all about...

Do catch it...

A guy who makes a nice chair doesn't owe money to everyone who has ever built a chair.

the couch and smiles.

There is something about that COUCH at your local coffee shop isnt it?

I tried to understand all these years what exactly is the matter with that peice of furniture that it attracts us teens to it sooo much...how everyone of us is just wanting to sit on it...and how every one just keeps on staring at the people sitting on it....for them to leave...so that you can jump on that comfy cushion...and find your spot to lay down...

ha ha....apparently....memories cant be made with a coffee had over a table and chair...it just has to be on that couch!

move over chairs...that couch is here to stay...

Not that i want to conclude anything from it...just a point i made....

:)

The past few days have been awesomely cool...work pressures...lessons learnt....people missed...new beginnings...Im glad there is so much that happens and that doesnt happen in my life...

[the above line is a "contradiction" dedicated to someone i am coming to know of lately...to someone i feel i already know...and to someone i will know for a long long time...! :)]

I asked a friend the other day that if it was my last day in this life time....what is that one last question you would like to ask me...?

Her answer was soo good....that it still puts a smile on my face when i think of it...

Thank you "baccha"... keep the smile on...

:)

Take a step to change it. See the difference.

When you are caught in a routine you look for ways to break it...it may be at small levels...short intervals...but you need those small breaks...

I have been away from blogging too long...most of my posts come out of strained disappearances...trying to remind people i exist...

I thought of this many times...to realise and accept if my life has lost the essence of surprise/novelty...if i have nothing going on around thats worth noting or writing down...

NOPE.

Thats not really the case. That cannot be the case. Nobodys life can really remain like a circular loop. It does break.

...and in all honesty...i have concluded that how much ever i crib about my routine...it really doesnt stay that much of a routine really...may be...i am always focusing on the "wrong" things...

So as I was saying...in these small bursts of "breaks" from routine...there is one conversation i would remember for a long time...something I would not wanna miss out on noting down.

We sat in that smoky place that day.He did not seems weak or ill. Thats the best part about knowing Ravi, he is always full of Life even if he is dead sick ("dead sick" is a bad word to use) and down.

Smoked up, He still managed to imbibe a great deal of positivity that day.

In the smoke I let go of a lot of things I was holding on to for a long time... and came to understand how focusing on the wrong things doesnt help.

"You are where you are because you are not doing anything about it.You are in your present situation because you are staying that way. Take a step to change it. See the difference."

The step has been taken.

In a mind which has 100 thoughts and ideas every 5 mins...The right question has been asked.

The answers might take a while, but I can see the changes already around me.

Thank your friends. Thank more for friends who carry so much positivity with them.

On being special...

I have got into endless conversations on being famous...being rich..known...and "someone abt whom people talk about"...

Have a look around you...there are freaking soo many people...you somehow think you are different from them...that there is something about you that will make you known and famous...

You even dream about it...almost always...the context may be different...the profession might be different...the situation may differ even...but you do see yourself famous...the one celebrity amongst the already rich...

I have always wondered that if everyone thinks the same...what defines you becoming famous...? Its not what you do and what you dont...its...i think... the timing at which you do it...and yes ofcourse...how well and differently you do it...

The ideas are always there...every single person around you has them...but not everyone of us use them...

I frequently find myself in such day dreams honestly...and i see that...everyday...when i see a famous celebrity/businessman....I imagine myself being there...about how different I would be in his/her place...with/around him/her...

And if everyone around me is having the same thought...may be i am no different...theres nothing special about me...no super powers there either...nor is the celebrity any different from me...it was just about the timing...the timing that he/she was "there" to be famous...

Maybe I am special...maybe I am not...let TIME decide that...

For now...i need to stay grounded...and just chill a bit i guess....

I don't see myself being special; I just see myself having more responsibilities than the next man.

People look to me to do things for them, to have answers.

Tupac Shakur