someone elses Wife...!

The last one week has been pretty fast...not hectic.... (I dont qualify for people who really "work"....so hectic is not a word i think i am qualified to use...)...but fast...

We give so much pressure on the financial year ending that all people are bothered about...is... where is the money coming from...
Strange how much importance MONEY has in our lives...that everything else takes a back seat...

Anyway...the year ended well...not that it makes any specific difference to my life right now...but its worth a mention...

And yes...there was a party...there was an aimless laughter...and a walk on the roads laughing it out even more...
and then there was shopping...and even more shopping...
CARD swiping in and out...as if it was my sword of honour...to save my land from the evil...
....and also there was this movie called Clash Of the Titans...from where the "swiping of the sword" analogy came from...

Its good that the day ends in a smile...

Me and Shobhit were talking today...and I told him about how important it is to have some clue about whether the person you like equally liking you back...some hint...else it just screws things up...and he pointed out a nice thing...that...whether the person likes u back or not...you still share the same feelings...so why not just be...and accept the fact...
It works both ways....you give people who love you a chance...and expect people you love to love you back...

Anyway...that topic came up from all the engagements and marriages happening around...its as if thers a RACE going on....on who will be the FIRST to post couple pics on FACEBOOK...
(...btw...and a big "woooohooo" to the people who won already!)

But yeah...People are getting married Prasad...accept it...your friend will now be someone elses Wife/Husband...

Its still ok with guys...but it gets soo awkward with your girl friends...I mean....its like..."I know her better than you dude...so back off!!"

Shobhit: "okk...whom exactly are you worried about getting married...coz you are not sayin this for all your girl friends who are getting married...be specific..."
Me: " I do not know...but its just bloodyy bothering me right now...!"

And then we slurpped on our pizzas...and got into the typical "guy-thinking" mode...
(...and Prasad now thinks of a solution of how he can avoid his close friends from becoming someone elses wife...!)

The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart.
-Viscount Morley

Laughin at urself...and undergoin trainin...

Its fun to make people laugh...it does feel good...

Someone told me once that the greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to make fun of yourself.

I dont think i am really good at it...i mean...i generally do have a lot of ego issues...and self insults in front of unknown and strangers is strictly a NO NO till now...though I am learning not to get bothered by people around.

I think its ok to make people laugh around you over something stupid that you do now and then...
People might not realise the level at which you care for them...but at the end of the day...if you can make them smile...you have done your part..

Seriously...at this point of time...i dont know what is the LARGER picture of it all...but as long as I have the people around me...and as long as things are going fine...lets just have a good laugh...!

Irrelevant people mite just think im stupid...what matters to me is only YOU smiling...
(If you are a part of my "YOU" group...you would know it by now! )

Days in IDBI are fun...mainly because I am just not thinking about where it is going and how is it gonna shape up...(those thoughts only haunt the nights...!)

I have come to realise lately that I did miss out on a lot of fun things...expecting more maybe at times...and wanting the "right" things...
I still have my priorities in place...but after 25 years of life...i think...in the end....nothing matters...

I care...i love...i respect...i envy...and life is still the same...maybe only better....

Came across this CALVIN strip today...and it suddenly made me remember of how girls "train" guys...directly or indirectly...
I mean...im not complaining...we guys do need a looott of training...! :-D

Not failure, but low aim is a sin.

It must be borne in mind that, the tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

It is not a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled.
But it is a calamity not to dream.

It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal,
But it is a disaster to no ideal to capture.

It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars.
But it is a disgrace not to have stars to reach for.

Not failure, but low aim is a sin.

Dr Benjamin Elijah Mays
1894-1984

A wife i never had and aimless conversations.

Had an interview today...

And the most funny part about the whole interview conversation was that...When i was asked to talk something about my family...I told them about my dad...then my mom...and then i said something stupid...

"So...thats about my Dad and my mom...and then there is my WIFE...."

(that just came out by itself I swear...i am very much single and looking!)

The guy looked at me and said...

"Ohh...so you are married...?? What does she do?"

I looked at him...almost wishing i could run out of the room...without having to correct the blunder i had just made...

"Umm...NO...im very much single...that just came out of no where...Im sorry...", I said.

The rest of the interview went fine...but I wish i could take back this slip of tongue.

Awkward funny moments, something to blog about today.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize
I should have been more specific

Suddenly yesterday I felt a staunch hitch of loneliness at night...I dunno what and why it was...but i just felt lost and aimless...for that one brief moment...

And that is when i realised that how ever good or bad things are going in your life...it always remains a tad tiny "incomplete" unless you have someone to talk to...

I quickly moved my google talk friends up and down...looking for someone i can just talk something stupid to take my mind off...

It does help....not thinking about things that bother you...but instead worrying about others problems...

No one was quite free yesterday I think...or they had already had their "talks" for the day...

I still said Hiyas and Byes and some random things to people (which i dont think made sense...) and then, after finally realising that no one was really interested in listening to me...i logged off...

Days,whiteboard and having fun...

The days pass by and you dont really get time to think...
Sometimes...you are thinking about the same things again and again...time after time...with aimless conclusions and twisted thoughts...

Its funny how the very same things revolve around our head everyday...and how we get to no where with them...
But we still discuss them, think about them,laugh at them and even cry it out sometimes.

I am surprisingly going through that part of life which doesnt have deep issues related to it...
I am generally joking around about the fate of my job....or about how I am one hell of a responsible banker...and I must say...I pass the day with a lot of smiles...
There are ...of course... those little and small unmentionable frowns during the day...but that hardly counts i think in anyones life.

People tell me that I am generally happy and content these days...which i dont think is completely true...or maybe I dont really understand what "being content" really is...

I have put up this white board in my office cabin, just to write down a "thought for the day", on which I generally write something to reflect upon...(I just thought it mite change some things in the already boring work place...and on it...'complete' me and my cabin )

What feels good is that a lot of customers like the idea...and at times when i forget to change whats written on it...they ask me to change it...and..that response...how ever small and trivial...is something I think i can smile about during the day...

Customer: "What is it that you like the most about writing?"
Me:"Its good to know that when people read it...they feel the same way...makes you feel normal"

On other things...I think I have realized one very important thing...from the incidents which climaxed in the past few days... that ....
you dont really need to love someone with expectations...
When you love someone...you just simply love them...and there are no two ways about it...

To the people who have let gone of their love in the past few days...I salute you!

Its better to simply wait for things to happen...if they are meant to be...
Be good...be true...and i guess...the rest will follow...

Just read a beautiful poem...and I am pasting it here for someone...because it made me remember her...and if I ever get a chance...Ill tell that girl this was for her....

Let's go out and have some fun.
It doesn't matter where or when,
Or what we say or what we do,
As long as it's just me and you.

Let's be together for a while
And get to know each other well,
Exchanging jokes and tales and chatter
Before we get to things that matter.

Let's see what happens when we dance
Across an evening sky, and glimpse
Below the stirrings of a sea
That might--or not--wind-haunted be.

When will people understand this...
that you cant set limits to why you like/dont like a person...Its like air...you either breathe in or suffocate.

I wish I could show people how lucky they are that they are loved...cared for...asked for...and while you can never be sure of what outcome this attachment with a person has...understand its value and just hope it works out...
I cant see my friends in pain...and i dont think anyone can...I feel somehow its my fault I cant make them smile....correct the things that are going wrong...and change circumstances and situations to their best...

I wish parents were not this stringent...I wish they could see the happiness of their children before putting barriers to love...

"People are not bad, circumstances are" -- I dont like this statement, seems like you are excusing the bad people and letting them get away with what they are doing.

On other things...

Politics...apparently has become a household game...I wonder if people get paid these days only to handle politics and bitching at work places...
Manipulate and survive is the rule.

I donot know how long I would survive this...but somehow...leaving a secured job also feels scary...especially in this job market...

Btw...on that note...I wonder who came with the idea called 'SALES'
I wish they would know by now...Selling is an old concept...now a days...people purely BUY...!

Sometimes i feel foolish about the way i think...and I wish someone would just reconfirm to me the reality of life...
There are dreams...things that seem incomplete...hope i get their soon...

an off day

Today was one of those days which is best forgotten...
Sometimes when things go wrong...they just go wrong...

Wasnt really in the best of spirits since morning...dunno why....maybe the lack of sleep past 2- 3 days...
Also the aimlessness and routine at work is kinda bugging me at the back of my mind. Its like the calmness before the storm...

Dunno why....but everything is good around...still there is that hint of aloofness and uncertainty.

I was sitting in office today...people chatting around...their talks ranging from performance to politics to life to love to targets...

And there...at that moment...i felt lost...dunno why....felt the need to be alone...away from the same things again and again...maybe the want of something more than there is...interestingly...these are things which i generally enjoy every day...

Just another off day i guess...

Lets just stop and wait for a new tomorrow.

A recipe for being content.

Somewhere...I think that you are exactly where you should be...
Sometimes...you might feel that you are doing something you really dont want to or are not fit for...maybe you find a perfect mismatch of choices and tastes in what you are and where you wanted to be...
But as Steve Jobs once said...simply...at the end of it...you just have to "join the dots"

I know life is passing by fast...not giving me time to think...asking me to run...
But I also know that it isnt that bad after all...I still have a choice...not many people have that option...

Also, Like today...like at this very moment....when the past seems good enough...this present day will also fall into place into the future...we will join the dots of life...to reveal what and why everything that really happened...did happen for a specific purpose...

I was walking down the road in the afternoon today (my work pretty much sums up to "roaming from one place to another" and which i dont normally do!) and I realised as I was talking to a colleague...who got married recently...that...Love can really take your mind off a lota of things...

You can actually see her content...always having a reason to laugh and have fun...and always something to look forward to...talking about her husband,talking about places to go...and everything under the sun.. (TOUCHWOOD!)

Now...work wise...we are in the same soup (bloody...they give 3 crore as individual targets as if it was 3 Rs and customers carry it everyday in their pockets!) but she doesnt really think much about it...coz there is always something else keeping her happy...and that...i think...is a good thing...

As we walked more... We were discussing about friends...and people I am in touch with these days...
she looked at me and said...
"You know Prasad...its good that you care about people so much..."

I looked at her with a blank face...
"Whom exactly are you talking about??", I asked with a faint smile.

"You know who...! well...atleast it keeps your mind off work!"

And she laughed again.

I wont argue...Marriage does bring a lot of content with it.

'Reach' and 'Settle'

So finally hit the gym today...cudnt see myself getting out of shape...
I think if you cant find time for your own health and body and if work eats up your time so much that it starts affecting your being...well...what exactly are you living for then?

After an hour of work out with my office mate...we settled ourselves at the juice bar...
As we waited for the health drinks to reach us...I looked around looking at the setup....checking out the place...while Shafi seemed to be lost and confused...as if something was troubling him...

I saw his eyes...they seemed a bit moist...mostly tired....and I asked him what was it that suddenly got him into that mood (I thought we did "work out" well...for the first day i mean...nothing seemed that sad to be soo depressed about...!)

"Nothing man...Just remembered old days...gyming back home...friends...that life...that phase...seems lost...", He said.
And he did not really wait for me to react...
"Where did those days go...that free life...when all that mattered...was where are we hanging out tomorrow...and when and which lectures to bunk...and where am I meeting her in the evening..."

This was coming from a guy who had spent 3 days in coma...after a serious accident...and...after loss of health and body mass...had come back to the gym to gain weight and be back in shape...

I went blank..I thought it was better I did not say anything...The man had a point after all...

I paused. The juices were served.

I guess I thought that a joke was the call for the moment...to light things up...I mean...the main reason we had joined the gym after work...was to relax our mind more than our muscles...

So...in a very filmy tone....I put my palm on his shoulder and said, " Shafi...dost...Yeh lamhaa yaad rakhnaa...5 years down the line....you will think about this too and have moist eyes..."
He smiled.

"You can only remember the past...you live in the present...and your present will be a memory for the future...moments like these"

We drank. (Funny tho...it was no alcohol...just 2 glasses of "health" high protein drinks! )

As the music charged...I thought it was better we talked about something else...

ME: " You know...I have read somewhere...In any relationship...there is always a Reacher and a Settler...like...there are never "equal" matches...thats why you always see a hot girl with a geeky guy...or a smart guy with a plump girl....If you take that case...Who do you think is the reacher and the settler in your relationship with Farzana?"

Like a obedient boy friend he said, " I am the reacher of course...I could have never got someone better...she could have any day got anyone better! She has made me the person I am today.."

And then a thought ran through my mind...a girl/guy can really change your life for good...it is just a matter of whether you want to be the 'settler' or the 'reacher'

"What about you...what catergory are you...the reacher or the settler?"

I looked at him with a raised glass of protein shake (as if it was a symbol of muscle power or something....)
"I guess the problem with me is that I want to be the 'reacher'...be with a better girl who can change the lost and confused soul that I am...but i guess the girl I like just doesnt want to 'settle' with me...ahh...if only i was a bit more geeky...i bet i could have got her!!"

We laughed. We drank. We left.

Wher to?

What if all of us just did not have a specific "purpose" in life...imagine...we did not have that tweeching urge to always find out "what am I here for"
And at the age of 25...when everybody else is "settling" down,getting married,buying houses,etc...it is a very bad thought to have...

Honestly...I envy people who have a plan in life...or those who get their set path...who can be content with what they got and work on making it better...

I dont like the restless me...always wanting to find out where it is headed...or where and when will it stop...
I dont say I am alone...I know many a people who are similar...who share the same road with me...

Take this girl I am talking to as I write this post...The girl, who teaches a class of students more or less of the same age (even elder at times) to her...
I know she is soo good that she does it with ease...but I also know what she is better at...how good she can be else where...
(One of the many things I like about her though is that...she never does what she doesnt like...and she had the guts earlier to give up a job she did not like...I know what it takes to give up something in hand..when there are times you just cant take it...the mismatch is more frustrating than the money offered...or what would people say...)
Lot to learn from her...and lot to teach as well..

The problem with India is that you dont find your job...the job finds you...and that I think is the main reason why so many people are soo unhappy with what they do...

I mean...how many people who join companies actually know what they are going to do...the work profiles described are always vague and honestly...misleading and useless...

I wish there wasnt this constant pressure about where am I headed...
I wish somone loved me for what I am...and not for the job/position i hold...respected me for the person that I am...and not out of the designation i hold...scolded me for the mistakes I make...and not out of ego clashes...and praised me out of concern and not "because someone asked them to"

Wierd...but thats how we humans function...