It will be my day...someday...

So I finally tried what i had to...and did what i needed to for getting myself a satisfied work profile...and that hasnt turned out in my favour still...
But atleast i tried...

I dont think anyone is actually happy with the job they do...there is always something missing...something lacking...
I am not frustrated (still!)with what I do...its just the feeling that you can do some more productive and contributory work somewhere else... and you know what you are good at...and you just feel life shouldnt be soo unfair not to give you that opportunity at least once...

So you try...the best to get what you deserve...so you fall....but the effort is on...and so...it will all fall in place some day...
I am so sure about it...that i write it down...

We will see...'some'day....'my' day....

So...I met an old man today...

"I met an old man today...he came over to me and started inquiring about buses for his grandson who was to come from delhi for a few days and was to frequent a place for work..."

I dunno why...but i do wanna complete this story...yet dont feel like putting it down...I guess the incompleteness of this story will remain a memory for long...

So...I met an old man today...

I wonder how people think the way they do...I dont like people who take advantage of others for getting their work done...
i guess though...the problem with me is that i think too much from the heart...and i work like that...think like that...and feel like that when it comes to 'people'...

I do things from the heart...but somewhere i dont regret it...because i come clean for myself by the end of the day...and that really is a good feeling to have...
I can proudly say that I have not duped anyone...hurt anyone knowingly...or taken advantage of anyone till date for my self gain...

When i say i LOVE you...i do...with all my heart...
....and when i say i dont like someone...I DONT...with all my heart...
i really cant fake it for long...

So...I met an old man today...

twisted

I have been caught up with something for the past 2 weeks...and it had nothing to do with work being "hectic" or anything...it was more of what i want work to be like and where i want it to head...

I have put a lot into it...its like..if things dont come to you....give it your best shot and you go to it instead...
If it works out good...i think i deserve it...if it doesnt...i guess...it was just not meant to be...and then i can let it go saying that maybe i am not that talented to work in that specific field...
Now,Because i have put so much thought to it...that i dont think it could be better than this...it is probably one of the most important things in my life...simply because it will prove to me if there really is something called as "getting what you deserve" in this twisted life...

Life is seriously twisted...(hmm...i like that word...)
Think 4 years back and compare your life with what it is now...just remember the people around you then....and those now...
Strange isnt it...how people around you change so often...not all...but most...
I firmly believe...that somehow...somewhere...you know in your heart always the people who are going to stay with you always and forever...

I mean think about it...going away from certain people is so easy...while with some...it just seems impossible...and it has nothing to do really with how much the other person cares about you...

Just realised from a 'shock' that i got a few days on hearing a friends wedding date...that life in the next 1-2 years is going to change so drastically...
I mean...just hold that thought...and think about the people getting engaged or married around you!!

Its scary...how everything will change...the priority will now be their 'better half '...and all your friends' lines are constantly busy coz they are on the phone all the time!
You cannot talk to your female friends the way you used to...coz now "they are with someone else" and you really dont want to get the guy jealous from your friendship with the girl...
and your guy friends now have just one topic to talk about...their girlfriends/engagement/marriage!

Change is welcome...but it scares the shit outa me to know...that i am still the same amongst all this change that is happening...or is it twisting somewhere....some place i am not looking maybe...i do not know...

In between Books and a dinner with my Professor

Had taken my car to work today...love driving it here and there...its fun to have that confidence to drive...
Reached home early as I didnt have to wait for the slow bus for hrs...and hence decided to run through a mall nearby...

Went through CROSSWORDS to check out the latest books...
I love being in between books for some reason...going through the covers...handpicking some...
I am not a voracious reader as such...but i do like collecting books...

Its amazing to go through what other people have written..and how they have written it...its like taking a walk through someone else's life...

As i was passing through the "pages of thoughts" spread all over...I realised how much i miss reading...
Work seriously takes so much out of your life...and reading is just one of the things i miss...

I think i need to get back to a lot of things i really want to do...

Met a professor for dinner a few days back...
Having dinner with him wasnt really the "viva" we had thought it would be...I think i have never enjoyed a dinner outing more with an elder...(and also my professor at that...!)

Sometimes you are in so much awe of certain people that you feel the need to be perfect in front of them...and not screw up one bit...
But it was nothing like i had expected...was probably one of the best time I have had recently...

He talked about life back then...the way children are growing up in recent times...and pretty much everything that has been keeping life "going" till now...

"You guys cannot dare say that you have frustration/regrets...you seriously dont know what exactly is frustration"
There is always soo much to learn from him...
His thoughts about love ( just a "four letter word" as he puts it) are clear...and he says commitment is the answer ...its the only path to real love...
...i cant agree more...

About a girl...

Its always about choosing sides isnt it?
You are either this side or the other...there is no road "in between"....and its always about how long you can take it...
Choose whether you want to be friends...choose whether you want to be enemies....choose whether you want love....choose whether you dont want love...choose whether you want this/that job...

In the end...your decision changes so many things around you...I mean..i never imagined myself to be where i am...and it makes you really think that it really is all predefined...

Was writing a few pages of a character for my book...about this girl...someone who is a definite inspiration from my real life...and while writing about her...i realised how every little detail...about her...is doing wonders to my character...

Cute...smart...assertive girl...who lives life by her own terms...is happy with what she has...knows not to follow the "rat race"...also where to draw the line...and do exactly whats she wants to do with her life....her OWN life...

The point here is...that...somehow...even when writing about her for a "story"...a novel...I can change the circumstances of her fictitious life...the situations...but i cant shake her character...!

Her character and personality always remain real...and i think that inspires her decisions...and i think i love her for exactly that!
Its great to be lucky to have someone like this in your life i must say...their awesomeness sure rubs on you...!

Well...anyway...back to the real life again tomorrow...for more stories yet to convert to fictitious pages of a novel...

Listening to it a lot lately...

A great song after a looooong time...a must hear!
I wont describe it...just listen to it once and decide for yourself...

Time after time

I came home early today...checked my mails...and then just laid on my bed...blank...

Weekends are something i really look forward to...but there i was...almost numb...I guess i just needed some time for myself...
I sat like this for about an hour...not doing anything...just watching the blue sky through my window and enjoying the peace...

Its good to have time for yourself...and i recommend it for everyone...it would surprise what a few moments for yourself can do for you...
I am a kinda person who needs people around...but this one hour i spent with myself...was probably the best time i spent during the week...

"Be your own best friend and don't forget to wink at yourself now and then."
- Diane von Furstenburg

Mental madness - Part 2

Like i said before...when i reach the bus stop...its a completely new world...

The thoughts change...
I look at the road...my eyes looking the distance for the Bus to come and my ears listening to the music playing on the headset...
I stand there...generally thinking about the people i care...

What they must be doing...what is going on with them...which is then followed by replies through messages to people who had called...
I generally dont talk to anyone once Im out of work...just dont feel like it...

Honestly...that is just what i say to myself "I dont like to talk to anyone..."
Somewhere...i do miss coming out of work...and not having someone whom i would like to call...
(ohh yes...there is definitely someone i do wanna call everyday...but no one has given me that right to...its not a good thing to throw yourself on people now is it...)

I feel good about people who have their better halfs...you can see love in parts..here and there...and my mind ignores not having that "secured" feeling by divulging into others problems i guess...

"You know...the problem with you is...that you care too much about other people...treating their problem as your own..."

All I replied to that rather irrelevant statement made by a friend was...
"Really?? I never noticed that...but thats me i guess...i dunno if its a good thing or bad...but then...i love being me!"

What is strange is that you know so many people in your life....but isnt it a bit wierd that you constantly think about only a few of them...
I sometimes dont find it fair...because...there are a lot many people who actually care about you...but you are drawn to the thoughts of only a few...

"Strange is the mind...wild...and wilder are the thoughts that drive the mind..."

My MBA final result is out btw...and it feels good to know that now you are finally an MBA! (I really dont know how much that degree is worth right now...but its a goal achieved...)

I feel the wind in the bus...and i hear the sounds saying...there is a long way to go...

Mental madness - Part 1

...how so many things happen in just one day...24 hrs of your life..each moment has a different emotion...each has a different tone...

I work at a BANK...
I see rich people...people for whom investing is a passion...a game they play everyday...a means to grow...and have fun with...
And then i meet the poor people...for whom money is means to an end...just to survive...to pass one more day without starving...

I look at eyes...each has a story to tell...riches...rags...its all there...

I go through a lot of mental madness (if i can call it that...) through out the day at the bank...It is tough (and irritating at times) to fool the rich....to make them shell out their pockets and ironically...at the same time keep the trust of the poor...

Sometimes i meet people who just wanna talk...it seems as if they want a shoulder...and you put on a smile...try not to get too involved...and move away...
...at times...the rich try to get "too involved"....

I do wander at times...about what is happening...where are things really going...and each moment about how i feel....sometimes lost...sometimes frustrated...and sometimes excited...

What is strange is that...I dont see the outside world once i enter my branch doors...for another 12 hrs...(thats half a day!)...the time passes with lives of people from different worlds...

When i get out...i wait at the bus stop...and my eyes keep looking for something...my phone keeps waiting...
(But thats a different world...and i talk about it in the next post...)

...life still in mumbai and being 17 again...

Long time no blog...
Actually...since work has started...have been too busy to sit down and write...and with saturdays working...there has been little time that i have got for myself...

One good thing that has happened is that I have been in Mumbai all along..and have still not been sent to my place of posting...and i would like it to remain that way...nothing can replace the life in Mumbai...so just hoping that whatever little luck i have...remains...and the evil stays away...

Have got some...and have lost some...just hoping...ill get that "100%" atleast once in my life...bored of being stuck at 99...

Was watching 17 Again today...and gave a thought on how almost everyone of us lives in his/her past...
Its always about what had happened...and how good or bad it was...and how and what you could have done to change it...
How much ever we say to ourselves that "Stay in the moment"....it almost never happens now,does it?

What is a relief is the fact that....when you do think of the past...and you think about how things have changed today...You might not like the present...you might crib...but then...put a little more thought to it..and think about it closely...
I am pretty sure you will realise that TODAY is better...fuller...and content...

That lost job...that love which never happened...that freind who fought...that money lost...that exam you failed to crack...
It was bad..i agree...but then there is something which has replaced it...and its for the better...

I think the problem with life is that it is really easy to attract negative thoughts about a situation you are in...wish there could be something which we could do about that...

I shut down my laptop in the afternoon (that happens rarely in my life!) and took up a magazine lying around on my desk for a long time...
One of the articles was talking about how teenage romances never last...and how most adolescent life is affected by break ups and "love problems"...

That just put a smile on my face...and my mind said to me...

"We are soo over all these things rite...not a teen anymore...why does all this seem childish to us now? What has really happened to us?"