Tonsils and fever

Was down with fever today...

I went to my Doc for some medicine and skipped morning lectures...


Doc: "Ohh....Tonsils...they are bad this time...you had something cold to drink??"

Me: " Yeahh....maybe...But im down with fever too...the tonsils arent botherin me that much..."

Doc: "Yes...thats wat...the fever is because of the tonsils!"

I just looked 2 mins at him with a blank face...I remembered the incident...
"Whats the relation between tonsils and fever ??? Your Doc must not know anythin... " i had told her...

And then...I just burst out laughing....

After reading this...You might just not get the joke in this...but somehow...this post is for me...and the joke also....for me...
:-)
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I wonder if the friendship is dead...somehow....there is no life left in it...people are too angry to realise what they really want...
I know exactly what i want...but i have to take care of my self respect...and even more than that...about others self respect...because...i dont want to force anything on anyone now...even though i knw somehow that is what is best....that is what is...COMPLETE...
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Thats it !!!

I have had enough of this now...You care about some people in your life...you want to know and help them out...but things just go bad...
I never intended to be where I am right now...I guess i was not taken in the proper way...WAS JUST TRYIN TO B A FRIEND....help someone out...

I thought about it today...and i realized i too might have made a mistake...and guess the situation now is out of hand...

I have been ignored and avoided too many times now...the situations may have been different but i hav had it with all this...right from engineering days...People acting according to their own convenience...what they dont understand maybe...is that friendship is not done according to your convenience...
arrghh....watever...i am not supposed to tell people what to do and what not to...!!!!
Maybe that was why i behaved this way...the fear of being ignored again...

I have triggered some things to seriously irritate...I know i have entered a space i shouldnt have..and somewhere i did expect too much too soon...but i just wanted to be there and help someone out...never expected or intended it to go this way...But i am glad at least others are not getting ignored and disliked...

I am glad Varun said i am one person among our college friends who has not changed...but somehow i feel i should have changed...I agree sometimes with my Mom when she says that me valuing my friends more than anythin else could be harmful...but i just cant help it...!

It affects me...Yes it does...because this is exactly what i wanted to avoid ...
May be i put in too much emotions here...but they just came out i guess...beyond my control...and now...as much as i dont want to...will have to keep and pull them back...and like i said before...put them at the right places and with the right people...

Pramod ( THE PALMIST) read my hand today again..LOL
He says ill achieve something big when i am 26...He also says im gonna earn too much in a short span of time...
It just brings a smile on your face...because i know it may not be true...but still...it feels good to hear nice things abt yourself...
:-)
oh yess...I am also sooo happy to have made a sister in college...!!!

Thank you for these moments...ill remember them all my life...

For now...
i have a lot many things to worry about...because i want to accomplish what i set out for...and i will do it...i just know i will...

I wish though that things will be back to normal again...cant put in words how deeply i want it to be normal...
Only time should tell...else...you always have abrupt endings...dont you...

For now...its about SELF RESPECT....and i totally understand...

Step One...

HE had warned me about how my anger will affect me...
I told him how it has grown on me...cause of the situations i had faced...where without being aggressive we wouldn't have been able to stand up for the right...

I hate the impulse it brings...and i know it affects me more than others...There is no excuse for the wrong...and so this has to be controlled...and this is the open realization and learning for it...
I WILL CONTROL MY ANGER...MY REACTIONS...MY IMPULSE...

Because...if i have given up the past....this goes with it...and i am hopin soon enough...

"However good an artist really is...the thought that his art will leave him some day...that the talent will just fade away...always haunts him throughout his life..."

Interesting day today...some things worth noting...

* There will always be people in your life who will care for you more than you would ever have thought of caring for them...and they might or might not say it to you ever!
* Contrast to the above,There will always be people in your life who you care about more than they could ever...and maybe you might never say it to them...

Both statements mean the same technically....but they vary in some way...they vary where it really "matters"...

L O N E L Y

Life has been unfair...
I know it has..it always will be...and yes...i am done thinkin abt the past...The future awaits me...and the FOCUS OF LIFE is testing me....

"Think of marketing as the biggest heartbreak you ever had...and think about how u felt...compare it with the failure u have when you lose out on a sale...that feeling of what went wrong...thats the passion you should have for marketing..."

There are some things that i hate about the man who said this...some things about him which i find unethical and unforgivable...but he does talk sense...and i can sometimes relate to his talks...

The passion is driving me...I know exactly what i am here for...and i know what and where i want to be...
But there are still some questions that need answers...but may be i dont need to know them for now...



I feel like i am hurting someone these days by my actions...I dont want to really...and i seriously dont know what i am doing wrong...I dont want it to be this way...and it hurts me i cant do anythin abt it...But somehow...i dont know if the person is bothered or if i have done something to annoy...somewhere though...things arent the same...and i dont know the real reason for it... but i also dont know why i blame myself for it...


I saw these two little kids in the train while returning home...and one of them just held my finger and started laughing...It felt really nice to see that smile...sorta relaxed me for the 5 mins i was with them....
The unfair Life is also beautiful...if only the beginning and the end were more CLEAR...

...I hope you dance....

I just love these lines....
They just energize you in a way...with H O P E...and a feeling that something positive awaits....

"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin might mean takin chances, but they're worth takin
Lovin might be a mistake but it's worth makin
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance....."

Sleeping to life...

There is little difference between what is meant to be and what really is...when it comes to LIFE...

I have realised that not all people that come into your life can be your best of friends...and that is exactly what the problem is..You care for people...but its not really necessary they care the same amount for you....they might not even bother sometimes...
And thats a bit frustrating at times...When you don get the same response...its not as if its expected...but u feel sometimes that it has to be two ways...
After a point of time though....you just stop bothering...because...you have a life of your own to lead...



Ever wondered how a dream at night sometimes always feels like a lifetime...Its like you have lead another life ....in some other world...with matters not needing or deserving explanations...
I have been having such dreams these days..
The funny part is....I AM LIVING A LIFETIME...Its something i cannot put up right here...but its just something that seems like another perfect world...
Its bothering me somewhere at the back of my mind though...because..i cant make out anything out of these dreams...
Dreams shouldn't be analyzed as they say...but when they revolve around the same thing....i think you need to take notice...
Why do the most amazing things only happen in dreams??


I am fearing a few things...but that doesnt stop me from being who i am or doing what i do...but it does keep the fear alive..because...somewhere i know that even though LIFE and PEOPLE cannot influence me...What if it just DOES take me back to the road i dont want to travel again?

Its a hard choice...but then....the problem is always CHOICE....
:-)

Im sold....

Had another workshop on communication skills today..It went on for like hours and i was hardly interested..
And it wasnt because it was boring....but by now...i have attended almost a 100 such workshops...and they just talk the same thing in a different way....

I liked the way the guy said "Im SOLD".
He was talking about customer satisfaction and how if you satisfy even 3 outa 10 expectations of a customer...the customer is SOLD to you...

There is so much deeper thought to these words..."Im SOLD"....It potentially means you have been taken over by something...and you are theirs forever....
It also means that since you are sold...the person might have fooled you in some way or the other...because...after all he is doing business...and business always has PROFIT...

This phrase reminded me of the episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S...where after Chandler has got a date...he comes to his friends and says....

"PRICK A FORK IN ME....IM DONE!!!"

love these phrases....they are short....but they mean so much....

Being in control....

I have always believed that money will always return when you give with a heart...and dont think much about it..
Yes...it definitely doesn't mean that you spend aimlessly...
I value the importance of money...coz i know how much and what it takes to have your monthly salary credited in the bank account.
I pity those who don't really value their pockets...Coz...maybe they have never had to...but I feel...There comes a time in everyones life when MONEY really matters....


Caught up with some old engneering college friends today...
Its always a great feeling...to meet some of the most amazing people in my life....Somehow...Life without them is incomplete...
I knocked Unmeshs door...and was waiting for him to answer it...
And i remembered all the fun we had during project meetings and the occasional no reason night outs....
ahhh....it was sooo good!!

Harry and me were discussing today...about how we are 23...and how it sounds blodddy OLD!!!!
lol
And he brought up a very good point...
"You never ever thought right....that when you are 23...your life will be like this...."

"Yeahh....Not even in the wildest of my dreams!!! I mean...lets just not discuss whether it is good or bad....right or wrong....It is what it is....but somehow....I thought...life at 23 will be...well...
MORE IN CONTROL!!!"

:-)

...Think...

Have no shame in being kind and gentle, but if the time comes in your life to kill for success,
kill and have no regret.
In the time of your life, L I V E — so that in this wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world,
but shall smile to the infinite delight and the mystery of life.

William Saroyan

The above words seem hard hitting....but they leave a state of mind thats worth thinking over....

Disconnected.

There are times in your life...when the best of things just go wrong...
Ask me how to mess up a perfectly natural and normal presentation...!!

Had this task of talking for 5 mins and i sucked...!
Such things never happen to me...I guess i needed this...and im glad this happened...soon enuf...

I have been feeling a bit disconnected these days...
I dunno what it is...if its something i am missing right now...or the want of something i don have...just something...disconnected (cant find any other word for it)

I remember Amey asking me the other day....

"Whats wrong dude?"
"nothing man...nothin at all....",I said.

Amey looked at me.
"You know dude...i know you from day one of college...and u were not like this when u started...You wanted to bring in people...Now....I just feel you are running away from everyone..."

I just thought at what he said....Its not that im running away....But yes...there is something missing....something is not right...I feel the need for more...

Its perfect...in a way....but not "right"!

I remembered what Soniya said yesterday...and i have been thinking about it...about what i should do...after all...Shes always right when she advices...!
:-)