Sunday, November 14, 2010

The guy and the girl in the mirror...

I have been strangely away from writing for a very long time now...
I believe that since this blog was meant to be a note of my life...I do need to update it more often...

Have been busy the last couple of days...interestingly....for the first time...not because of work...or anything specifically "non-exciting" happening...

I am amazingly in a good mood these days...and with a gentle smile always on the face...and i thank the reason for the smile from the bottom of my heart for making me this way...
Have been looking at life with a new 'angle'... as they say...with a new leash to succeed and achieve unfinished, unfulfilled dreams...

Have been finalizing certain things job and career wise...and am arriving at answers...conclusions...and understanding what i really want and need to do...which...by all standards of what i know myself till now...is an AWESOME progress!!

The title of this post...holds no relevance to the blog as such....it is for my reference...and a moment...like many others...i would keep in my memory...
The right moment...always sticks to you...leads to your happiness...

To all the weddings and related fun coming in the next few weeks...to all my friends with whom ill have a balll....to all the friends who are getting married...
"Lets just rock!"

Watched "The Social Network" today...and the movie...by all means...DEFINES what entrepreneurship is all about...
Do catch it...

A guy who makes a nice chair doesn't owe money to everyone who has ever built a chair.





Sunday, October 10, 2010

the couch and smiles.

There is something about that COUCH at your local coffee shop isnt it?
I tried to understand all these years what exactly is the matter with that peice of furniture that it attracts us teens to it sooo much...how everyone of us is just wanting to sit on it...and how every one just keeps on staring at the people sitting on it....for them to leave...so that you can jump on that comfy cushion...and find your spot to lay down...

ha ha....apparently....memories cant be made with a coffee had over a table and chair...it just has to be on that couch!
move over chairs...that couch is here to stay...


Not that i want to conclude anything from it...just a point i made....
:)

The past few days have been awesomely cool...work pressures...lessons learnt....people missed...new beginnings...Im glad there is so much that happens and that doesnt happen in my life...
[the above line is a "contradiction" dedicated to someone i am coming to know of lately...to someone i feel i already know...and to someone i will know for a long long time...! :)]

I asked a friend the other day that if it was my last day in this life time....what is that one last question you would like to ask me...?
Her answer was soo good....that it still puts a smile on my face when i think of it...

Thank you "baccha"... keep the smile on...
:)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Take a step to change it. See the difference.

When you are caught in a routine you look for ways to break it...it may be at small levels...short intervals...but you need those small breaks...

I have been away from blogging too long...most of my posts come out of strained disappearances...trying to remind people i exist...

I thought of this many times...to realise and accept if my life has lost the essence of surprise/novelty...if i have nothing going on around thats worth noting or writing down...

NOPE.
Thats not really the case. That cannot be the case. Nobodys life can really remain like a circular loop. It does break.

...and in all honesty...i have concluded that how much ever i crib about my routine...it really doesnt stay that much of a routine really...may be...i am always focusing on the "wrong" things...

So as I was saying...in these small bursts of "breaks" from routine...there is one conversation i would remember for a long time...something I would not wanna miss out on noting down.

We sat in that smoky place that day.He did not seems weak or ill. Thats the best part about knowing Ravi, he is always full of Life even if he is dead sick ("dead sick" is a bad word to use) and down.
Smoked up, He still managed to imbibe a great deal of positivity that day.
In the smoke I let go of a lot of things I was holding on to for a long time... and came to understand how focusing on the wrong things doesnt help.
"You are where you are because you are not doing anything about it.You are in your present situation because you are staying that way. Take a step to change it. See the difference."

The step has been taken.
In a mind which has 100 thoughts and ideas every 5 mins...The right question has been asked.
The answers might take a while, but I can see the changes already around me.

Thank your friends. Thank more for friends who carry so much positivity with them.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

On being special...

I have got into endless conversations on being famous...being rich..known...and "someone abt whom people talk about"...

Have a look around you...there are freaking soo many people...you somehow think you are different from them...that there is something about you that will make you known and famous...
You even dream about it...almost always...the context may be different...the profession might be different...the situation may differ even...but you do see yourself famous...the one celebrity amongst the already rich...

I have always wondered that if everyone thinks the same...what defines you becoming famous...? Its not what you do and what you dont...its...i think... the timing at which you do it...and yes ofcourse...how well and differently you do it...
The ideas are always there...every single person around you has them...but not everyone of us use them...

I frequently find myself in such day dreams honestly...and i see that...everyday...when i see a famous celebrity/businessman....I imagine myself being there...about how different I would be in his/her place...with/around him/her...
And if everyone around me is having the same thought...may be i am no different...theres nothing special about me...no super powers there either...nor is the celebrity any different from me...it was just about the timing...the timing that he/she was "there" to be famous...

Maybe I am special...maybe I am not...let TIME decide that...

For now...i need to stay grounded...and just chill a bit i guess....

I don't see myself being special; I just see myself having more responsibilities than the next man.
People look to me to do things for them, to have answers.



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

One broken Leg...and a lota memories...

You meet a lot of people in your life daily. Its funny how instantly you like or dislike some people...and somehow your first impression of a person always remains...

There are times in your life...when you feel if only you "like-minded" people were put in one room...with loud music...and were just allowed to let loose...!

Where has all that "connection" gone these days mann...

Living life like a sad lost bird seems boring day by day...

Met a girl sometime back...and would like to keep her in memory....not because I know her very well...i actually dont even know her at all...!
But some how...for the short time we met....and for the time she carried that broken leg of hers (which is perfectly fine now i hear)...it was one of those few moments when you simply love the person in front of you...to a start of good friendship...
I dont know if i would ever meet her really....ever again....but i wish her luck...less broken legs...and lotsa fun in life.

I read this thing recently...about how two people meet...and how its like...both have been always searching for each other all this while...
...and theres this joke....about how when you meet "the one" and you tell him/her "Where the hell have you been all this while! I was searching for you..."
...and then the other person says "Im soo sorry dear....but i came here as fast as i cann...I too am tired of all the running!"

makes you feel that way sometimes right....that you are running to get somewhere....to meet someone...tired as you may be...wait a while....its all worth it!

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Lazy fast life!


The week passes by these days...without meeting me...sitting down with me for a while...just...always in a rush...
Cant believe time is running so fast...seems like yesterday that it was the thing I did which actually was a year back...

Sundays are lazy days...
I put on my sandals and moved out...somehow trying to carry it off....sometimes you just dont care about the way you look...especially on a lazy day like today...
The mention of my sandals is important for the blog today...something about it i need to remember...
Also goes on record... the fun weekends I have had in the past one month, the careless spending of money, my new BlackBerry Storm 2 and the pathetic gym workout!


Its ironic how u find your days lazy and still feel that life is moving a bit too fast...

Sunday, June 13, 2010

...Sand in your palm...

I think God made Sunday to be lazy. Its true.

Sometimes you just dont feel like getting out of bed....you are half asleep...thoughts running through the mind...restless ramblings of everyday life...but you just dont wanna get up...
Let life pass by...

I finally got up from bed by evening (that too coz my parents got scared that i might be sick to sleep whole day...and i was forced to get up..) and decided to go out for some fresh air...
Friends meeting up is a good thing...sometimes you dont have much to talk about...but you still have a good time...thats how its always been with us...and touch wood to that!

I am a bit bored and restless these days...mainly because I dont know where is life headed from here...I mean...Ill be 26 soon...and at that age...i had thought I would achieve a lot...

I know I am not doing bad for myself...but its not that good either...its not 'complete'...

I was browsing through the pages of a book this afternoon...and I remembered what it was like to be a child.
I specifically dont have many memories of my childhood...nothing really worth mentioning or talking about...but thats exactly what made me think at that point of time...that ill make something out of my adult life...like...Ill be "something" when i grow up...make someone proud...that life...i feel...is still not there...


I am confused about a lot of things recently...what to do...how to behave...you dont wanna get too attached...you care...but u think the person wants you away...giving space...not giving space...the simple risk of hurting yourself more than the other person...the crazy call of expectations...gets your mind boggled.

Today, while talking to friends, I realised that the only thing that changes is the way you live your life...like...from vada pavs to forks and knives...rest things simply remain the same...its only how you look at things.
Whats with people and their attitudes? I mean...you have money...big deal...does it really matter at the end of the day?
...and a friendship which grows above money survives...

One of my friends got his wedding called off this week...I dont really know what the story is...but it seems the girl now has second thoughts about marriage...
I just feel ts good that it happened...at least....things will be clear now on whether the relationship is truly stable enough for marriage...

You just know it. Think. Dare to do it.

Friday, June 11, 2010

...Smoke...


Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will.

Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says: "You're nowhere near ready". And the other half says: "Make her yours forever".

Friday, May 28, 2010

Blehh


I dont quite like what i am doing... I dont quite do what i like...
I try to stay aloof but i cant...I try to come close but i cant...
Life seems a series of consequent paradox of "can and cant" and "do and donts"

I tried real hard this week...to prove to myself that I can make the best of my situation...if life is giving me lemons...as they say...lets make a lemonade...
In my case though...i did make the lemonade...but it just wasnt "sweet" enough...

I dont think anyone reading this would really understand what I am trying to say...or may be they will...(consequent paradox there...again!)

I feel okay honestly...about the fact that how much ever business you do...you still are seen as just another employee...and your presence and absence means nothing to anyone...

Its somewhat like loving someone...ummm...you love a person selflessly sometimes...to the extent that what ever they do or dont do hurts...but doesnt really matter to you...you still feel the same...

I think that is a good thing...that is real affection and care...

I did give it my best shot...and I am happy about that...

I need a break...need some love in life i guess...bored of the routine and worthless effort....

Btw...Have you noticed how soo few actually understand what you are saying or feeling?
Aaahh....only if it was easy to find someone you can talk aimlessly...its getting difficult day by day!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

guts to leave your job and that person to make you smile...

I came home today and considering I have exams from this Sunday ...after running out of excuses for NOT studying...i got me my today's excuse... "Omg...I havent blogged for days now!"

Work life seems to be getting really messy especially considering you have to deal with a lota politics in a government organization...and at a place where your "tongue" or your relatives or you-ready-to-have-an-affair with your boss matters more than your performance.
I am not fretting....hell no...I have NO problem what and how others do what they do...its just that...dont pull down others of their competencies and growth.

I know...i know...its the same everywhere...and if you dont like it...leave...

Maybe that is a better option to do...leave you stupid job and run a freee life...do something you enjoy doing...
But honestly...DO I HAVE THE GUTS TO DO THAT?

I think of this question every morning...and I find reasons....
"i dont have a plan...i need support....i need partners..."

The days are passing by...and I know that all the above questions in reality...are all answered...with equally frustrated souls are just about waiting for that ONE day when the bubble bursts and we finally say the word "Lets do it!"

"Your success story 'starts' the day when someone "not-worth-deserving-success" makes you fail. True Story"

Amidst all this frustration in life...you always have some people in life who just simply make your day...I mean...when you look at them...when you think of them...you just cant ignore to smile...

You look at them...and you wonder....how can someone be so full of happiness...not happy mind you...but happiness...for you...so much to give...

He/She always has the right things to say...always has something or other to talk about...
You can "feel" it when he/she is sad about something wrong around him/her...not necessarily sad...but something off beat somewhere...
My point is...you can really FEEL life in his/her eyes...You just know that "moment" when you look at him/her...hard to describe...


He/She knows the best of you....and makes you wanna dance...

Seriously...some people can really bring the best in you always...

To friends who have found such people...God Bless...Keep the smile always...

:-)

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator,
but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh,smile and happy."

Sunday, May 09, 2010

...For all its worth...

I raced my car as fast as i could...it was past 12 am through the night...the roads only reflected the yellow lights...

The music was loud enough...the conversations went on and off...and me and my friends were headed to his place...not really knowing exactly why we were going there...

He had called some time back...only to say that he again had a fight with his dad...so he couldnt meet up...
His voice cracked into a teary sound...
"He has given me 8 more days to move out..."

We told him we were coming...simply because we couldnt leave him like that...

We reached the narrow lanes to his house...and we sat down...on a circle of benches...
Dark hot night...all five of us on different benches...and we just looked at him in silence...

I wondered where and how these things lead up to...Love can ask so much from you at times...
A guy torn in between a girl and his family...

We had soo much to tell him...so much to "shake" him up...tell him that he has changed..and even after doing everything he can...we cant see him at peace with himself...

I looked at Varun...and he spoke...
"So...your dad wants you to move out...are you sure you dont have a choice? cant this marraige wait longer...? do you really want to go against and away from your family? Is this all worth it?"

We asked and he explained...the discussion went on ranging from priorities to ego issues...

I wonder if anyone had thought we would be like this...discussing marriages and parents...from what started 8 years back with journal entries,diodes and transistors...

What bothered us...the soul reason we were there at his place till 2.30 in the night...was one simple reason...
"We do not want to lose the friend we had made 8 years back...and we only want his peace...nothing else matters...nothing else is worth it..."

yes...8 years of friendship...and some things never change...

People ask you if its worth going against your parents, who have raised you and given you so much, for a love that is new and uncertain...
I think honestly...there is really no answer to this question...coz in this case....only TIME can tell you what is right or wrong...and its worth...


I wish you all the luck my friend...and I hope when I read this post a few years down the line...I can say to myself...
"Hmmm....it was,It was really worth it after all..."

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Life in Slow Motion...

It has been a busy week...

First...THANK YOU God for keeping my Boss to us...!! (I know Zari Ma'am how much you wanted a change...but we idiots need you more!! )
There are some people in your life...for whom you feel like working...not for anything else....but just because you respect them soo much that you cant let them down....

And with that...Job is still the same...but it continues...day by day....

Too much on the mind right now....

Lotsa love problems going on in peoples life (when does it stop mann!) with people suddenly "wanting" to marry or are being "forced" to get married or some of whom "loosing" out on the whole marriage thingy...

Funny thing is ... I am just running from one friend to another...sorting out things which i feel are sometimes more complicated that you find yourself at a stage where you wonder "why the hell do these people wanna get married!"

But i guess...if its worth fighting for...they should do it...you just get one chance at these things...never let yourself remain with that "what if" feeling...

You know what you want always...you just ignore it thinking there might be an easier way out...



Easier said than done i guess...

Well...no more deep thoughts on this...

I hope they move on...I hope they sort out their marriage...I hope parents agree...and I hope things fall into place the way they should be...

I was joking the other day....about how true love should not be soo difficult...
you know...it should be like that "Life in Slow Motion..."
The wind blowing....the dry leaves...girl walking...guy walking from other side...

Damnn Yash Raj...they seriously made it sound so funny...
:-D


LoL..sometimes Hindi movies can really suck!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...less words...

I have lots to write down about this week...but no motivation nor energy to actually sit down today and start...

So ill just end it today...short and sweet...

Just wanted to say...to the people around me...

I hope you find your answers..and I hope you make a good decision...I may or may not be there...
You can always find problems with any decision you make...but you cant let that stop you...Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that dont make any sense at all...


You are the person who has to decide.
Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up
your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try
for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Let it go...


We were evidently short for staff today...so I was actually caught up with a lot of things at the start of the day...
Its amazing how your mind is occupied when you are busy doing something or the other...

As the day progressed...the load reduced...and the headache from summer cold began to rise...and I dripped into the sick mode...

As i sat there...in the cabin...I called him up...and it sank in...
About how Shafi has lost the one he held the most dearest...and how difficult it is for him right now...at this point to still not loose grip of himself and keep sane...
I realised that the whole point of going after something that was never his...was...literally what he said it was...
"I just want to meet her one last time..."

It is that simple and straight sometimes...and how much ever life will be unfair...one thing never changes...No one replaces you in anyones life...and that enough is a thing to smile about...

I am always confused about these things...I mean...what exactly is love...if it is not this exact thing...

Love is not the fear of letting someone go...
but also the power within you to let someone go...


What matters are those aimless conversations...and words that went unsaid...also the things that were simply understood...and the time you spent...and also the times you did not spend...and the feeling that even when you are not around...you are still there....

True Story.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

..Better Together..


There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

[MmmMmmmmMmm, Mmm MMmmM]

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together

Sunday, April 11, 2010

and...Im getting married soon...!

I cant help but think and only reconfirm the fact that whatever is happening in Life right now...the moments that pass by...are all meant to be this way....

The place you are...the people you are with...the things that have happened to you...and the things that are still to come...EVERYTHING is written...

Three friends at Cafe Coffee Day sit and wonder if things were different and if some choices had messed up here and there...would they have ever sat there like that...would they even know each other...

I know that everyone gets this feeling at some point or other when you think about relationships around you...

But my point here is short and sweet...

Even if you are planning something...you will still have...by the end of the day...only the people who are meant to stay...around you...

There are levels to friendship...but if you think that level is decided by you...you are wrong...

I am around you for a reason...and no one can replace me...

(No wonder...these days... people realise it only AFTER im gone away from their lives...)


Well People Keep Repeating, that you will never fall in love. When everyone keeps retreating, but you can't seem to get enough. Let my love open the door, let my love open the door, let my love open the door to your heart.


But I know why are you reading this post...you wanna know more abt the blog title...

So yeahh...parents have given their deadline...(now I seriously know how girls feel abt it mann...!)

Mommy dearest : "You either tell us whom you wanna get married to...if you are in a relationship with someone...that makes my job easier...else I really want you married by June next year max...so I start searchin by August..."


I wonder if that was some sort of a dhamki I should be afraid of...and just tell her a girls name to save her the whole gruesome trouble of finding a girl for me...(seems an impossible task to her anyways...she told me later...)

So yeah...I guess...Its time to get tied down...

Married...me...her...ummm....weird....too fast...

Sunday, April 04, 2010

someone elses Wife...!

The last one week has been pretty fast...not hectic.... (I dont qualify for people who really "work"....so hectic is not a word i think i am qualified to use...)...but fast...

We give so much pressure on the financial year ending that all people are bothered about...is... where is the money coming from...
Strange how much importance MONEY has in our lives...that everything else takes a back seat...

Anyway...the year ended well...not that it makes any specific difference to my life right now...but its worth a mention...

And yes...there was a party...there was an aimless laughter...and a walk on the roads laughing it out even more...
and then there was shopping...and even more shopping...
CARD swiping in and out...as if it was my sword of honour...to save my land from the evil...
....and also there was this movie called Clash Of the Titans...from where the "swiping of the sword" analogy came from...

Its good that the day ends in a smile...

Me and Shobhit were talking today...and I told him about how important it is to have some clue about whether the person you like equally liking you back...some hint...else it just screws things up...and he pointed out a nice thing...that...whether the person likes u back or not...you still share the same feelings...so why not just be...and accept the fact...
It works both ways....you give people who love you a chance...and expect people you love to love you back...

Anyway...that topic came up from all the engagements and marriages happening around...its as if thers a RACE going on....on who will be the FIRST to post couple pics on FACEBOOK...
(...btw...and a big "woooohooo" to the people who won already!)

But yeah...People are getting married Prasad...accept it...your friend will now be someone elses Wife/Husband...

Its still ok with guys...but it gets soo awkward with your girl friends...I mean....its like..."I know her better than you dude...so back off!!"

Shobhit: "okk...whom exactly are you worried about getting married...coz you are not sayin this for all your girl friends who are getting married...be specific..."
Me: " I do not know...but its just bloodyy bothering me right now...!"

And then we slurpped on our pizzas...and got into the typical "guy-thinking" mode...
(...and Prasad now thinks of a solution of how he can avoid his close friends from becoming someone elses wife...!)

The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart.
-Viscount Morley

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Laughin at urself...and undergoin trainin...

Its fun to make people laugh...it does feel good...

Someone told me once that the greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to make fun of yourself.

I dont think i am really good at it...i mean...i generally do have a lot of ego issues...and self insults in front of unknown and strangers is strictly a NO NO till now...though I am learning not to get bothered by people around.

I think its ok to make people laugh around you over something stupid that you do now and then...
People might not realise the level at which you care for them...but at the end of the day...if you can make them smile...you have done your part..

Seriously...at this point of time...i dont know what is the LARGER picture of it all...but as long as I have the people around me...and as long as things are going fine...lets just have a good laugh...!

Irrelevant people mite just think im stupid...what matters to me is only YOU smiling...
(If you are a part of my "YOU" group...you would know it by now! )

Days in IDBI are fun...mainly because I am just not thinking about where it is going and how is it gonna shape up...(those thoughts only haunt the nights...!)

I have come to realise lately that I did miss out on a lot of fun things...expecting more maybe at times...and wanting the "right" things...
I still have my priorities in place...but after 25 years of life...i think...in the end....nothing matters...

I care...i love...i respect...i envy...and life is still the same...maybe only better....

Came across this CALVIN strip today...and it suddenly made me remember of how girls "train" guys...directly or indirectly...
I mean...im not complaining...we guys do need a looott of training...! :-D

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Not failure, but low aim is a sin.

It must be borne in mind that, the tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

It is not a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled.
But it is a calamity not to dream.

It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal,
But it is a disaster to no ideal to capture.

It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars.
But it is a disgrace not to have stars to reach for.

Not failure, but low aim is a sin.

Dr Benjamin Elijah Mays
1894-1984

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A wife i never had and aimless conversations.

Had an interview today...

And the most funny part about the whole interview conversation was that...When i was asked to talk something about my family...I told them about my dad...then my mom...and then i said something stupid...

"So...thats about my Dad and my mom...and then there is my WIFE...."

(that just came out by itself I swear...i am very much single and looking!)

The guy looked at me and said...

"Ohh...so you are married...?? What does she do?"

I looked at him...almost wishing i could run out of the room...without having to correct the blunder i had just made...

"Umm...NO...im very much single...that just came out of no where...Im sorry...", I said.

The rest of the interview went fine...but I wish i could take back this slip of tongue.

Awkward funny moments, something to blog about today.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize
I should have been more specific


Suddenly yesterday I felt a staunch hitch of loneliness at night...I dunno what and why it was...but i just felt lost and aimless...for that one brief moment...

And that is when i realised that how ever good or bad things are going in your life...it always remains a tad tiny "incomplete" unless you have someone to talk to...

I quickly moved my google talk friends up and down...looking for someone i can just talk something stupid to take my mind off...

It does help....not thinking about things that bother you...but instead worrying about others problems...

No one was quite free yesterday I think...or they had already had their "talks" for the day...

I still said Hiyas and Byes and some random things to people (which i dont think made sense...) and then, after finally realising that no one was really interested in listening to me...i logged off...

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Days,whiteboard and having fun...

The days pass by and you dont really get time to think...
Sometimes...you are thinking about the same things again and again...time after time...with aimless conclusions and twisted thoughts...

Its funny how the very same things revolve around our head everyday...and how we get to no where with them...
But we still discuss them, think about them,laugh at them and even cry it out sometimes.

I am surprisingly going through that part of life which doesnt have deep issues related to it...
I am generally joking around about the fate of my job....or about how I am one hell of a responsible banker...and I must say...I pass the day with a lot of smiles...
There are ...of course... those little and small unmentionable frowns during the day...but that hardly counts i think in anyones life.

People tell me that I am generally happy and content these days...which i dont think is completely true...or maybe I dont really understand what "being content" really is...

I have put up this white board in my office cabin, just to write down a "thought for the day", on which I generally write something to reflect upon...(I just thought it mite change some things in the already boring work place...and on it...'complete' me and my cabin )

What feels good is that a lot of customers like the idea...and at times when i forget to change whats written on it...they ask me to change it...and..that response...how ever small and trivial...is something I think i can smile about during the day...

Customer: "What is it that you like the most about writing?"
Me:"Its good to know that when people read it...they feel the same way...makes you feel normal"

On other things...I think I have realized one very important thing...from the incidents which climaxed in the past few days... that ....
you dont really need to love someone with expectations...
When you love someone...you just simply love them...and there are no two ways about it...

To the people who have let gone of their love in the past few days...I salute you!

Its better to simply wait for things to happen...if they are meant to be...
Be good...be true...and i guess...the rest will follow...

Just read a beautiful poem...and I am pasting it here for someone...because it made me remember her...and if I ever get a chance...Ill tell that girl this was for her....



Let's go out and have some fun.
It doesn't matter where or when,
Or what we say or what we do,
As long as it's just me and you.

Let's be together for a while
And get to know each other well,
Exchanging jokes and tales and chatter
Before we get to things that matter.

Let's see what happens when we dance
Across an evening sky, and glimpse
Below the stirrings of a sea
That might--or not--wind-haunted be.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

When will people understand this...
that you cant set limits to why you like/dont like a person...Its like air...you either breathe in or suffocate.

I wish I could show people how lucky they are that they are loved...cared for...asked for...and while you can never be sure of what outcome this attachment with a person has...understand its value and just hope it works out...
I cant see my friends in pain...and i dont think anyone can...I feel somehow its my fault I cant make them smile....correct the things that are going wrong...and change circumstances and situations to their best...

I wish parents were not this stringent...I wish they could see the happiness of their children before putting barriers to love...

"People are not bad, circumstances are" -- I dont like this statement, seems like you are excusing the bad people and letting them get away with what they are doing.

On other things...

Politics...apparently has become a household game...I wonder if people get paid these days only to handle politics and bitching at work places...
Manipulate and survive is the rule.

I donot know how long I would survive this...but somehow...leaving a secured job also feels scary...especially in this job market...

Btw...on that note...I wonder who came with the idea called 'SALES'
I wish they would know by now...Selling is an old concept...now a days...people purely BUY...!

Sometimes i feel foolish about the way i think...and I wish someone would just reconfirm to me the reality of life...
There are dreams...things that seem incomplete...hope i get their soon...

Thursday, February 04, 2010

an off day

Today was one of those days which is best forgotten...
Sometimes when things go wrong...they just go wrong...

Wasnt really in the best of spirits since morning...dunno why....maybe the lack of sleep past 2- 3 days...
Also the aimlessness and routine at work is kinda bugging me at the back of my mind. Its like the calmness before the storm...

Dunno why....but everything is good around...still there is that hint of aloofness and uncertainty.

I was sitting in office today...people chatting around...their talks ranging from performance to politics to life to love to targets...

And there...at that moment...i felt lost...dunno why....felt the need to be alone...away from the same things again and again...maybe the want of something more than there is...interestingly...these are things which i generally enjoy every day...

Just another off day i guess...

Lets just stop and wait for a new tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

A recipe for being content.

Somewhere...I think that you are exactly where you should be...
Sometimes...you might feel that you are doing something you really dont want to or are not fit for...maybe you find a perfect mismatch of choices and tastes in what you are and where you wanted to be...
But as Steve Jobs once said...simply...at the end of it...you just have to "join the dots"

I know life is passing by fast...not giving me time to think...asking me to run...
But I also know that it isnt that bad after all...I still have a choice...not many people have that option...

Also, Like today...like at this very moment....when the past seems good enough...this present day will also fall into place into the future...we will join the dots of life...to reveal what and why everything that really happened...did happen for a specific purpose...

I was walking down the road in the afternoon today (my work pretty much sums up to "roaming from one place to another" and which i dont normally do!) and I realised as I was talking to a colleague...who got married recently...that...Love can really take your mind off a lota of things...

You can actually see her content...always having a reason to laugh and have fun...and always something to look forward to...talking about her husband,talking about places to go...and everything under the sun.. (TOUCHWOOD!)

Now...work wise...we are in the same soup (bloody...they give 3 crore as individual targets as if it was 3 Rs and customers carry it everyday in their pockets!) but she doesnt really think much about it...coz there is always something else keeping her happy...and that...i think...is a good thing...

As we walked more... We were discussing about friends...and people I am in touch with these days...
she looked at me and said...
"You know Prasad...its good that you care about people so much..."

I looked at her with a blank face...
"Whom exactly are you talking about??", I asked with a faint smile.

"You know who...! well...atleast it keeps your mind off work!"

And she laughed again.

I wont argue...Marriage does bring a lot of content with it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

'Reach' and 'Settle'

So finally hit the gym today...cudnt see myself getting out of shape...
I think if you cant find time for your own health and body and if work eats up your time so much that it starts affecting your being...well...what exactly are you living for then?

After an hour of work out with my office mate...we settled ourselves at the juice bar...
As we waited for the health drinks to reach us...I looked around looking at the setup....checking out the place...while Shafi seemed to be lost and confused...as if something was troubling him...

I saw his eyes...they seemed a bit moist...mostly tired....and I asked him what was it that suddenly got him into that mood (I thought we did "work out" well...for the first day i mean...nothing seemed that sad to be soo depressed about...!)

"Nothing man...Just remembered old days...gyming back home...friends...that life...that phase...seems lost...", He said.
And he did not really wait for me to react...
"Where did those days go...that free life...when all that mattered...was where are we hanging out tomorrow...and when and which lectures to bunk...and where am I meeting her in the evening..."

This was coming from a guy who had spent 3 days in coma...after a serious accident...and...after loss of health and body mass...had come back to the gym to gain weight and be back in shape...

I went blank..I thought it was better I did not say anything...The man had a point after all...

I paused. The juices were served.

I guess I thought that a joke was the call for the moment...to light things up...I mean...the main reason we had joined the gym after work...was to relax our mind more than our muscles...

So...in a very filmy tone....I put my palm on his shoulder and said, " Shafi...dost...Yeh lamhaa yaad rakhnaa...5 years down the line....you will think about this too and have moist eyes..."
He smiled.

"You can only remember the past...you live in the present...and your present will be a memory for the future...moments like these"

We drank. (Funny tho...it was no alcohol...just 2 glasses of "health" high protein drinks! )

As the music charged...I thought it was better we talked about something else...

ME: " You know...I have read somewhere...In any relationship...there is always a Reacher and a Settler...like...there are never "equal" matches...thats why you always see a hot girl with a geeky guy...or a smart guy with a plump girl....If you take that case...Who do you think is the reacher and the settler in your relationship with Farzana?"

Like a obedient boy friend he said, " I am the reacher of course...I could have never got someone better...she could have any day got anyone better! She has made me the person I am today.."

And then a thought ran through my mind...a girl/guy can really change your life for good...it is just a matter of whether you want to be the 'settler' or the 'reacher'

"What about you...what catergory are you...the reacher or the settler?"

I looked at him with a raised glass of protein shake (as if it was a symbol of muscle power or something....)
"I guess the problem with me is that I want to be the 'reacher'...be with a better girl who can change the lost and confused soul that I am...but i guess the girl I like just doesnt want to 'settle' with me...ahh...if only i was a bit more geeky...i bet i could have got her!!"

We laughed. We drank. We left.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Wher to?


What if all of us just did not have a specific "purpose" in life...imagine...we did not have that tweeching urge to always find out "what am I here for"
And at the age of 25...when everybody else is "settling" down,getting married,buying houses,etc...it is a very bad thought to have...

Honestly...I envy people who have a plan in life...or those who get their set path...who can be content with what they got and work on making it better...

I dont like the restless me...always wanting to find out where it is headed...or where and when will it stop...
I dont say I am alone...I know many a people who are similar...who share the same road with me...

Take this girl I am talking to as I write this post...The girl, who teaches a class of students more or less of the same age (even elder at times) to her...
I know she is soo good that she does it with ease...but I also know what she is better at...how good she can be else where...
(One of the many things I like about her though is that...she never does what she doesnt like...and she had the guts earlier to give up a job she did not like...I know what it takes to give up something in hand..when there are times you just cant take it...the mismatch is more frustrating than the money offered...or what would people say...)
Lot to learn from her...and lot to teach as well..

The problem with India is that you dont find your job...the job finds you...and that I think is the main reason why so many people are soo unhappy with what they do...

I mean...how many people who join companies actually know what they are going to do...the work profiles described are always vague and honestly...misleading and useless...

I wish there wasnt this constant pressure about where am I headed...
I wish somone loved me for what I am...and not for the job/position i hold...respected me for the person that I am...and not out of the designation i hold...scolded me for the mistakes I make...and not out of ego clashes...and praised me out of concern and not "because someone asked them to"

Wierd...but thats how we humans function...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

a song...a walk...and a day off

Had taken the day off from work today...
I dont think i can ever be the "workaholic" kinds they talk about every now and then...of people who work 14-16 hrs a day...24/7 are in the work mood...and eat sleep and drink business...

Somehow...people say and believe that being that way is the way to the top...may be it is...may be it is not...
For me...Work is...well...W O R K....a four letter word...and it cannot replace L I F E (another four letter word! ) whatever may be the stake offered...

I value my peace...my sanity...and ill break whenever that line is about to be crossed...

Heard some good news today...about a colleague...and it made me feel happy...its good to know that nice people get their share of success once in a while at least...

Went for a walk today...alone...
...with head phones playing Ronan's "Its so easy lovin' you"


Standing here in front of you
You never looked so beautiful
With every breath you steal my words away
It's like seeing you the first time
Yeah that's the way I feel tonight
In you I've found a place I wanna stay
Wish I could freeze you in this moment like a photograph
You're the life I always wanted but never dreamed I could have

Felt the need to dance...sing....

Well...When you are 25 years old....you look around...and you give up that urge to dance and sing aimlessly on the raods....
(Ahhhh....growing up sucks!)

Called up a friend when i reached home...

Me: "Should i tell her??"
Friend: "aahhh....that question...the story of your life!"

I laughed.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

..the picture..

I do not know why...but today a picture made me go back in time...and somewhere i did go blank into memories...
Its weird how this happens to you isnt it...you are sitting somewhere alone maybe...and something reminds you of someone...and that something could be anything....a book...a picture...a showpiece...anything...
And that someone...not necessarily may be someone important from your present life...just an acquaintance may be...
But that person takes you to that time you knew him/her...the time that revolved around him/her...and you start seeing a lot of things that happened then...and in your mind...you are simply LOST...

A strange thing happened today...was going through some random photos on facebook... and came across one...
That one photo made me realize something...a truth i had thought i could ignore all this while...
Something I cant accept at this point of time...maybe some other day...some other time...

I wonder when I look back at things that have "hit" me every now and then...i wonder if they would really matter in the long run...

The question still remains..."How do you really know if its 'real'?"

As they say...If you cant deal with the truth...if you cant deal with love...and if you cant deal with a Lie...let it become a matter of the past...

One picture...a lot of words unsaid...

Sunday, January 03, 2010

truth and the love story

The new year has started..and it has been some great and sleepless 3 days...

Somehow...after 25 years of life...you kinda know whom you can count on to have a blast with...and I am sure every one of us has such people around them.

I was wondering the other day at work about how sometimes...you just lie on the face of people...call it a flatter/sympathy/'just being nice" gesture...
Sometimes you just say Yes to everything what a person is saying just so that he/she doesnt feel bad or you just want to avoid an awkward argument...

I wonder if we could just say the plain truth to people...it would reduce a lot of misunderstanding...and life would be much simpler...when everyone has to just "live with the truth".


Of course...life will then become less exciting...less dramatic...and quite boring at that...

The most affected would be the Service Industry of course...Flatter and Lies is the key to business for them...

Anyway...just a thought...
"When you want to fool someone...just tell them the truth"
Believe me...it works...

Coming back to the service industry...a customer once told me that it is a "thankless" job...and that you have to do everything...without expecting or considering what is the limit to which things you have to do...

Honestly...I always thought...knowing the person that I am...(or atleast one side of me is)...that being 'selfless' is just one of my qualities...and that I do it quite naturally..
I like helping people out...going to every extent possible...and that I would never tire out of it...

After working at a Bank...let me tell you one truth...
My selflessness is not infinite afterall ...I DID TIRE OUT OF IT.

I wonder if anyone cares these days anyways...people are too selfish to think about anything other than themselves.
Plus...if YOU want to be happy...somewhere...you have to make SOMEONE ELSE sad.

Its like the "every-films'-love-story"...which a 10 year old kid told me yesterday...
Guy likes a girl...guy is a good guy...girl is a good girl...but the the girl is "just not that into" the guy...eventually...if the girl wants to be happy...she finds another guy who makes her happy...leaving the first guy sad.

Its funny how "profound" kids talk these days..
:-D
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