Monday, January 26, 2009

...Funny...

My ORKUT profile displayed the following fortune today...

Today's fortune: The guy who reads your fortune is not feeling well. We hope you are.

It might seem like a very sad joke...but what amazes me is that even though it was a joke...it pretty well catches my mood today...!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

WHO AM I?

I was asked this question by a friend today...
"tell me...Who are you?"

For the 2 mins of that aimless conversation...i had nothing to say...so he gave me a paper and a pen and said..
"you "write" better than you "think"...so...i give you exactly 2 mins...write down anything and everything that comes to your mind..."

And so i wrote the following....I still dont know what the whole point of the exercise was and why am i blogging it...but then...when i read these points again...i can see gaps in myself which i can work on...
  1. A highly over ambitious dude who aims for the best in life without realising sometimes that destiny perhaps too has a role
  2. A moody freak who can have an extreme high or low of life in almost a split second
  3. An fool who doesn't have the patience to accept anything going wrong and has to react even at the cost of losing all respect
  4. An impulsive jerk who sometimes does what is the absolute correct but with absolute wrong timings
  5. A person who lives almost for others and who can go to any extent to make someones day
  6. A heart which gets affected by small things people close to him do wrongly and maybe never realise
  7. A impatient fool who has to have things the "right" way...sometimes...only his way being the only way which is correct
  8. A hopeless romantic who lives in his own dreams
  9. A emotional jerk who is trying to cope with the practical way of living life.
I think everyone should try this...it might just help...

"The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

...ramblings through the night...

I was sitting on my bed the other evening and i found myself completely lost...just looked around the room aimlessly...not knwin what exactly is running through my mind...
Have ever had that feeling of being in a state where you just dont know what is goin on...
You are very much there...but your mind just goes blank...

Dont know why...but i am feeling aimless and lost for the past two days...
Have been thinking about a lot of things actually...but i just cant draw a point nor can i lead my scattered thoughts to any strong or sane conclusions...
Just random thoughts...situations....memories...people...come and cross the mind...and i find myself sitting at one place...trying to put some meaning to things...

I realised that i think too much about other people around me than myself...Everything that i do really is out of a consequence or need for others...in some way or other...
Not that i am not thinking about myself...but i feel its more that...my existence is a parallel stream of the events that i do for the other people around...

Its 2.15 a.m. in my watch right now...and i cant catch a wink of sleep...
I was lying on my bed...surprisingly...still thinkin about a person i know and what i can do to make this persons life better...
"maybe this should happen...or if i am there...i can do this for her..."
arrghh...cant really stop it u see...

Was cursing Rakesh today on the phone...telling him how his priorities have changed for a girl...and how everything that he does...revolves around just one person...how much ever he refuses to accept it...
I guess it happens to everyone...when you find that one important person in your life...everything else comes secondary...
The problem with my life is that i have more than countable such people...for whom my priorities keep shifting...

I wont call it love...its something more than that...its a feeling you cannot explain nor can u ever forget in your life...the satisfaction u get for making someones day!

Was siting today in the evening and thinking about the whole concept called LOVE...I dont think there is any such thing...just some manipulation of two peoples mind until they realise they are not fit for each other and start fighting again...
I always thought love has to happen naturally...that it makes you feel special...and it is always the feeling which makes you smile....

I now believe in being practical about things...not get affected by people...not be too attached...just coz it doesnt pay back...and if ever there exist such a concept called love....it just accfects you now and then...positively or negatively...and right now...i dont think i can give anything that much chance to affect myself...
Here...i am not just talking about relationships...it goes to families....friends....everyone around me...

Someone once told me that i live in a dream world...and that is why...i always get hurt...i think i now knw...that it is not my dreams...but my expectations of making other peoples life okay that constantly keeps torturing me...and the worst part is...how much ever i try...i cant make it stop...nor...can i stop trying or behaving the way i do...how much ever i say it affects me or how much ever i say i want to be practical about things...

I really dont know what i am saying is making any sense at all coz i am just writing down anything and everything that is coming to my mind...
(what else do u expect at 2.30 at night!)

I think i am seriously falling in love...and i need to stop myself from even getting closer to the idea of being in love...coz i think i have far realised that I definitely am not a person who will ever get LOVE in his life...
With me, Love is like the most the prettiest,smartest and cutest girl in your college...you know you like her...you know no one in this world can ever understand her better...you know you are the only one she is perfect to be with...but all you can actually do...out of the dream world...is to watch her fall in love with the geekiest guy in your college...!
(what a metaphor i must say...but very true indeed...and i must say...Love actually is like that!)

Okay...now....when i read this post 20 years from now and try to remember who was this person i am talkin abt....i would just like to uplaod a pic of hers...so that there is no confusion..

Yupp...thats her...Cobie Smulders is her name...

Have watched all the seasons of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER including the one presently running almost 3 times by now...

I simply loooove this serial mannn...Beleive it or faint...i have been actually coaxing people around me to watch it...almost to the exent of torturing them in to seeing it...
(One of my friends asked me how much do the producers pay me for promoting the serial in India...!)


Well...the idea of the serial is very close to my heart....A guy telling his children about how he met their mother...
I wish i could ever have a story...it would be fun....
Now thats something eh!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Being too happy and ....BALLS!

Can you ever be so happy that you are scared that something bad might just happen...after all...Life works in phases of good and bad...
I have seen people who live in the good of things...its as if nothing seems to trouble them...and the contentment shows on their face..
My friends argue though that no one can be totally happy and blessed all the time...Everyone suffers...its just how much of it you see as a third person...

I go back to thinking that i have never been too happy or excited about anything till now...you know...the happiness that will make you shout out loud...and i wonder sometimes if that will ever come to me...
but then i guess if thats the case...and if life balances itself in everything it does....i would never have experienced immense sorrow or pain too...and then...whenever i felt this was the most painful moment of my life...maybe it really wasnt....it could have been worse...

There are certain things in my life to which i dont give a damn...Some things have just stopped mattering...and I think somewhere...I have killed a part of me for that...in trying to be more practical towards life than the emotional fool i was...

Yesterday I did something which i and the whole class of MBA will remember for a very long time i think...
I still argue with my conflicting thoughts of whether what i did was right or wrong...but i think...what happened was just waiting to be done...today or tomorrow...
I dont know if anyone else has the balls to stand up for the stupidity and manipulation which goes on...but from what i have learnt in my life..Someone has to stand up for what is right...If people can be unreasonable because of their authority...someone has to show them the limits...and i am glad everyone agrees to that...

"THE MORE YOU KEEP QUIET AND SHOW NO PAIN...THE MORE PEOPLE WILL PIERCE THE KNIFE DOWN YOUR STOMUCH"

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Incomplete

Just not feeling good today....I think i know whats bothering me...but i dont need to accept it...
Feel like getting drunk and cool off somewhere...(damnn...the sad part here is...i am not much of a drinker..hate it actually!)
I wish life was simple...where you did not have to think so much...where things would role the way you wanted to...FOR ONCE at least!!!

This is not really frustration thats coming out...its stress i think...and a sort of pain of seeing things happen the way they do...with you just being a blank observant...waiting for a chance or a jolt of serendipity to strike...
You always know though at the back of your mind that it never will...it never has...

I dont know what it takes these days...Life is amazingly good..but not excellent...and its not about my expectations...but I keep getting this hunch that I could do things better....that life can be more beautiful...and the only thing thats stopping that from happening is the acceptance of a certain facts...and a fear of spoiling a perfectly good life...

I wrote the above lines abt an hour ago and i have no idea really what it implies...but it does reflect the confused state of mind i am...and the funny part is....i am repeating myself again and again about the same thing...without actually knowing where i want these thoughts to go or conclude...

College will be over in a few days...and it wont really matter...For me...it will be an apt change...and i think a smooth transition...
Was speaking to a friend outside college about the past one and a half years...the college life in general...
and by the end of the conversation...I revealed to him what i think i shuldnt have touched really...
It just came out...and i soo wish i dint keep thinking about it all the time now...
(Ohh boyyy...that will be really badd!)

He asked me if i would seriously not miss anything from college...and even though he was not surprised by my negative answer....he pointed out a thing that would not leave me for long....

"I agree you wont miss college...but then why are you carrying that incomplete feeling with you now...as if something is still to be done...somethin is left behind..."

I wont say he is wrong..because i know what is incomplete...left undone...but let it remain...its better untouched...

The knowable world is incomplete if seen from any one point of view, incoherent if seen from all points of view at once, and empty if seen from nowhere in particular.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

New Year and a special moment...

This is the first New Years eve that i did not feel like getting out of the house...Surprisingly enough...This was also the first time that my friends had a concrete plan for a party...
Every other time...you will find us contemplating on ten different places and finally landing up having absolutely no idea how we are going to spend the final night of the year...
But yes...We do end up always having the best time of our lives!

This time it was different though...and i preferred to stay at home...Did not really go out and party...
I really dont know the reason...Sometimes there is no reason...just a bit of incompleteness in the whole going out and partying thing...
Maybe now i want something else...spend time with someone else...i really dont know what it is...

I have had a great year end....I always do actually...December is always good...its always about a new hope and a new running...something positive...everything good...
and i am happy...and i am glad about how the air feels around...You know nothing is there to stop you...stop you from doing good...

You know...thats the beauty of having these few people around...you always know..that regularly...your days will look special...once in a while maybe...but untill they are around...YOU WILL HAVE FUN!

I came across this poem today...and i am sure i will be using it at a very speacial moment in my life...I really dont know when...but i will...
Read this slowly...and i will kill myself you you arent amazed!


i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear..
no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart...

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


If that did not bring a smile on your face....I really dont know what will...!!!

I was just sitting on my bed today...and i realised...i am having a serious crush on this gal i knw...!
(ohh....now i knw you are dying to know who that is...and yeahh....its not about to be told...so forget it!)
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