Sunday, January 18, 2009

...ramblings through the night...

I was sitting on my bed the other evening and i found myself completely lost...just looked around the room aimlessly...not knwin what exactly is running through my mind...
Have ever had that feeling of being in a state where you just dont know what is goin on...
You are very much there...but your mind just goes blank...

Dont know why...but i am feeling aimless and lost for the past two days...
Have been thinking about a lot of things actually...but i just cant draw a point nor can i lead my scattered thoughts to any strong or sane conclusions...
Just random thoughts...situations....memories...people...come and cross the mind...and i find myself sitting at one place...trying to put some meaning to things...

I realised that i think too much about other people around me than myself...Everything that i do really is out of a consequence or need for others...in some way or other...
Not that i am not thinking about myself...but i feel its more that...my existence is a parallel stream of the events that i do for the other people around...

Its 2.15 a.m. in my watch right now...and i cant catch a wink of sleep...
I was lying on my bed...surprisingly...still thinkin about a person i know and what i can do to make this persons life better...
"maybe this should happen...or if i am there...i can do this for her..."
arrghh...cant really stop it u see...

Was cursing Rakesh today on the phone...telling him how his priorities have changed for a girl...and how everything that he does...revolves around just one person...how much ever he refuses to accept it...
I guess it happens to everyone...when you find that one important person in your life...everything else comes secondary...
The problem with my life is that i have more than countable such people...for whom my priorities keep shifting...

I wont call it love...its something more than that...its a feeling you cannot explain nor can u ever forget in your life...the satisfaction u get for making someones day!

Was siting today in the evening and thinking about the whole concept called LOVE...I dont think there is any such thing...just some manipulation of two peoples mind until they realise they are not fit for each other and start fighting again...
I always thought love has to happen naturally...that it makes you feel special...and it is always the feeling which makes you smile....

I now believe in being practical about things...not get affected by people...not be too attached...just coz it doesnt pay back...and if ever there exist such a concept called love....it just accfects you now and then...positively or negatively...and right now...i dont think i can give anything that much chance to affect myself...
Here...i am not just talking about relationships...it goes to families....friends....everyone around me...

Someone once told me that i live in a dream world...and that is why...i always get hurt...i think i now knw...that it is not my dreams...but my expectations of making other peoples life okay that constantly keeps torturing me...and the worst part is...how much ever i try...i cant make it stop...nor...can i stop trying or behaving the way i do...how much ever i say it affects me or how much ever i say i want to be practical about things...

I really dont know what i am saying is making any sense at all coz i am just writing down anything and everything that is coming to my mind...
(what else do u expect at 2.30 at night!)

I think i am seriously falling in love...and i need to stop myself from even getting closer to the idea of being in love...coz i think i have far realised that I definitely am not a person who will ever get LOVE in his life...
With me, Love is like the most the prettiest,smartest and cutest girl in your college...you know you like her...you know no one in this world can ever understand her better...you know you are the only one she is perfect to be with...but all you can actually do...out of the dream world...is to watch her fall in love with the geekiest guy in your college...!
(what a metaphor i must say...but very true indeed...and i must say...Love actually is like that!)

Okay...now....when i read this post 20 years from now and try to remember who was this person i am talkin abt....i would just like to uplaod a pic of hers...so that there is no confusion..

Yupp...thats her...Cobie Smulders is her name...

Have watched all the seasons of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER including the one presently running almost 3 times by now...

I simply loooove this serial mannn...Beleive it or faint...i have been actually coaxing people around me to watch it...almost to the exent of torturing them in to seeing it...
(One of my friends asked me how much do the producers pay me for promoting the serial in India...!)


Well...the idea of the serial is very close to my heart....A guy telling his children about how he met their mother...
I wish i could ever have a story...it would be fun....
Now thats something eh!
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