Sunday, January 04, 2009

Incomplete

Just not feeling good today....I think i know whats bothering me...but i dont need to accept it...
Feel like getting drunk and cool off somewhere...(damnn...the sad part here is...i am not much of a drinker..hate it actually!)
I wish life was simple...where you did not have to think so much...where things would role the way you wanted to...FOR ONCE at least!!!

This is not really frustration thats coming out...its stress i think...and a sort of pain of seeing things happen the way they do...with you just being a blank observant...waiting for a chance or a jolt of serendipity to strike...
You always know though at the back of your mind that it never will...it never has...

I dont know what it takes these days...Life is amazingly good..but not excellent...and its not about my expectations...but I keep getting this hunch that I could do things better....that life can be more beautiful...and the only thing thats stopping that from happening is the acceptance of a certain facts...and a fear of spoiling a perfectly good life...

I wrote the above lines abt an hour ago and i have no idea really what it implies...but it does reflect the confused state of mind i am...and the funny part is....i am repeating myself again and again about the same thing...without actually knowing where i want these thoughts to go or conclude...

College will be over in a few days...and it wont really matter...For me...it will be an apt change...and i think a smooth transition...
Was speaking to a friend outside college about the past one and a half years...the college life in general...
and by the end of the conversation...I revealed to him what i think i shuldnt have touched really...
It just came out...and i soo wish i dint keep thinking about it all the time now...
(Ohh boyyy...that will be really badd!)

He asked me if i would seriously not miss anything from college...and even though he was not surprised by my negative answer....he pointed out a thing that would not leave me for long....

"I agree you wont miss college...but then why are you carrying that incomplete feeling with you now...as if something is still to be done...somethin is left behind..."

I wont say he is wrong..because i know what is incomplete...left undone...but let it remain...its better untouched...

The knowable world is incomplete if seen from any one point of view, incoherent if seen from all points of view at once, and empty if seen from nowhere in particular.
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