Sunday, August 31, 2008

...ramblings...

OUTSIDE COLLEGE: (7:30 am)

I am loving the morning breeze these days....world outside the "routine" is peaceful...it almost like falling in love with life...
I feel like going for a long walk...just...away...quiet serene calmness...
This is the time you need people close to you around you...
You think about what the days have been...and its been nice overall...

IN COLLEGE: (6:00 pm)

People around dont affect me anymore...I know i need to get out of the frustrating air around...my life is not worth wasting time here...in this room...choked up....desperate to break free...
Let people be....let them bloody suck at their stupid lives and feel good about what they are doing...

I know for sure...I am not a part of this...I have been true to myself and have done things with utter honesty...IT WILL PAY OFF...
If it doesnt...well...in Prof. Venkys words....BALLS!!!

A bit worried about placements these days...just wanna get it done and move out of college...have had enough of it...
Hoping my efforts pay off somewhere and i get in soon...
Once thats done....I knw my attitude will change...and ill be at peace somewhere...

I want to prove it to myself....that i am worth it..!!
And that people who have insulted me...are not right in what they did...because somewhere....they have hurt me soo much...that they have taken my confidence away...

I like Victors lecture...not that i completely agree to what he says....but its like a reflection of life thats happening around you...in your life...home...family...friends...
And somewhere you feel....there is more to this than just 2 years of "college life"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

:-)

12:45 in the night....two friends walk the streets of Mumbai...somewhere at peace...somewhere its good...

You are not where you hated to be...away from the routine...the life u hate right now....and it feels nice for a change...

"I wonder how life wud be if we had grown in this part of the city....Our whole thinking process wud be different...Life would be different....the people around would be different...Nice it would be to start again somehow...in a completely different setting.."

"I think its the place we have been bought up...we are somewhere stuck in between..."

I agree...
but still...i feel...I wonder....Why this life...???

I look at the dark sky....and i SMILE...


"A new life....a new beginning...tell me life whats waiting for me...
A new life...a new beginning...tell me life whats my world, my destiny..."

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone.
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-From "The Family Album of Favorite Poems." Edited by P. Edward Ernest-

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Self conflict...Broken Glass

I somehow have lost all confidence to handle myself...Things at home are out of my control...people just keep screaming for no reason and i just try to ignore...keep quiet...but it does affect me i knw...somehwre because...there is no one to listen to my side of the story...

You sit down one day and decide that you are going to deliver good...and you stick to it no matter what...
Somehow...Now I am at a stage where i cant find the difference between right and wrong...Of what I am doing will hurt people...should i just move away...stay away...

I want people around....but will they be able to handle me...Coz i might just freak out someday...to avoid getting people too attached...

I really dont know what to do with myself...It just seems that whatever i did or the person i was till now...is all being challenged...

There is so much pretence around that it kills me from inside...i wish i could just wake people up and show them the reality...
But i knw...no one believes you...Whom do i share the truth with then...
Just keep it inside and keep getting frustrated...

The reason...coz the world doesnt see what you do...they just get carried away by the fake and pretence...

Fucking Self conflict!!
Someone just take me away...

Broken Glass

Look at all that broken glass
Dreams that never came to pass
A word unsaid,
A path untread,
And a host of uncompleted tasks.

Time is cruel, time's a cheat,
Time stays put, time does fleet:
A moment in the past
A lifetime can last,
And a lifetime is lost in momentary heat.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Life goes on, it's life, it must.
But the realms of the mind
Hold memories unkind
Of unkept promises and broken trust.

When summer thus changes to wintertime
Come, my friend to a warmer clime
Cos there's someone who cares
Someone who shares
Your sorrows as well as your happy times.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

selfish

i hate the words "Live and Let live..."

Esp when everyone around acts so selfish...when everything around you seems as though its give and take...

I feel that its a bad thing to be selfless in this world...it just doesnt pay somewhere...

People who do things for their own selfish reasons...always end up getting what they want...Everything turns out to be happy for them...

And emotional fools like me...end up being where i am...looking like a LOSER in between these millions of selfish souls...
Ruthless life is...no place for honesty...full of fakes...how can people not see the pretense?????

I think i need a break...or some change in my life pattern...seem to have lost my aura somewhere...

Went on my building terrace and shouted today at the top of my voice....felt really good....getting it all out...

Damn you God....lets meet in heaven...WE HAVE TO TALK!!!
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