Wednesday, October 31, 2007

...fast fwd...

Life has geared up...Its become tough...irritating...frustrating...and all the words you can put in for me to tell you i am bugged!

Not that i hate it....but things are happening which i dont want to be a part of...because i dont really need them right now...
I know my goal...let me just achieve that...
I wonder how come the most supportive people create a block in your life...almost suddenly...not that they mean to...but it just happens i guess...and life is about living through these challenges...

Change is good...but it shoudnt be your destiny...
I have always got the things that i really want the hard way...and i have gotten used to it...
BUT I CANT COMPROMISE ON MY SUCCESS...i just wont let anyone take that away from me!

You try to be the best son...the best friend...the best colleague...the best social being...but then if you are loosing out on what YOU really need....its just not fair!

If this is destiny...i really dont need it right now...

A friend told me yesterday....
"When you are around...how can someone not open up..."
I smiled.

Glad that i am what i am...it makes me feel good about myself from the inside...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Just Lines...



Will: I didn't ask for this.
Sean: No, you were born with it. So don't cop out behind "I didn't ask for this".

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Lambeau: Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there....!

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Chuckie: Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the car and when I get to your door, cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that.

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Sean: You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.


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Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that?
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Yeah, Chuckie.
Sean: Chuckie's family, he would lie down in fucking traffic for you. I meant someone else who isn’t family....

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Lambeau: You're angry at me for doing what you could have done but ask yourself, Sean. Ask yourself if you want Will to feel that way, if you want him to feel like a failure.

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Sean: Oh, you arrogant shit! That's why I don't come to the goddamned reunions 'cause I can't stand that look in your eye. Ya know, that condescending, embarrassed look. You think I'm a failure. I know who I am, and I'm proud of what I do. I was a conscientious choice, I didn't fuck up! And you and your cronies think I'm some sort of pity case. You and your kiss-ass chorus following you around going, "The Field's Medal! The Field's Medal!" Why are you still so fuckin' afraid of failure?

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Knowing people...

Being a good person is hard i have heard...
I have always tried to be one...Dont quite know if i have been good enough...

Madhura always tells me i am a good boy...and she is pleasantly surprised of the fact that..even though i am an engineer...i am good..( dont know wats the relation tho...an engineer and being good...LOL...)

Well..I dont know...they say there is an evil in all of us...I have tried to supress it to the uttermost...thats all i have to say...
But i dont think everyone thinks i am good and noble...Not all can....there is nothin 100% perfect...and even i am HUMAN...NOT PERFECT!!

I have done things in my life i shouldnt have....and some of them have been definitely wrong in some peoples eye...
But primarily...they have deeds which i have found right and have believed in...
For me...What according to me is WRONG will always be WRONG....there is no substitute for it...same is the case with the RIGHT thing...

Varun told me the other day...
"Never ever REGRET about anything if you believed in what you did...Never say 'IF ONLY'...coz...what you do...you do it from the heart..."
That sentence has just changed the way i look at things....


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

USED...THROWN

I see this beggar at the station everyday....Small kid of abt 12 yrs or so...People actually know him now...the regular commuters i mean...

No one really gives him any money...What caught my attention about this guy is that....people actually make fun of him everyday...they hit him...force him...tease him...
And all this guy does is ask for money....

Its soo frustrating...The feeling of being USED and THROWN as per convenience...even more irritating is the fact that you choose not to react...whatever the reason maybe...In this case of course...because the guy has no money...not much he can do to people...

GET OVER THE EVIL....EVERYONE HAS A SELF RESPECT...TRY AND UNDERSTAND IT...WHEN YOU MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE...YOU ARE LOWERING YOUR OWN IMAGE AND SELF ESTEEM SOMEWHERE....IN FRONT OF SOMEONE....


I have given few people a second chance in my life...and i have asked for one from a fewer ones...
They say that life is all about the strings you choose...I guess someone just chose the wrong one...and may be...things just wont be the same again..and maybe that is what is meant to be...or may be not...only time should tell...

I am happy about a good thing i did today...Gave a college friend a b'day gift i had promised her...and i feel sooooo happy abt it!!!!!
:-)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Time

too much work to be done...too little time...
i dont wanna think....but i cant stop thinking....ill die...
I make no sense...i know...but sense isnt to be measured anyways...
(WTF!)

LOLzzz

Its going to be a frustrating and tasking week...jammed with tests and submissions...
I am ready for it....it is a challenge in a way....but cant wait for it to get over...!

I am glad the situation at home is a bit better now...that has been irritating me even more all week...
College just seems messed up somehow still...and things arent quite clear...and it does bother me sometimes...but thanks to Saumya's blunt answers...I have learnt to take it in my stride!!!
LoL
I still hate it tho....coz it reminds me of my engineering days...and I soooo dont want to get back to all that...

People say i get too serious about things...I say...Cant help it...Thats the way i am...and its hard to change me now...
:-)

"You are alive. So LIVE."

A lot of things to look forward to....
Two of my very close friends...Soniya and Chikki coming back in December....cant wait to meet them !!!!!

...And then of course.....theres the big WEDDING!!!
Wooohooooo!!
:-)





Sunday, October 14, 2007

Being "ME"

People are changing around me...They seem to have changed their priorities...or just maybe failed to understand what is right and what is wrong...

It will affect them...And I thought about it...whether i should adjust to this and just accept things...without reason...
Because if i do...I wont be myself....And I have let go of people influencing me...

I will do what i always have wanted to do...I REFUSE THE CHANGE...

I have always been there for my friends...and I always will be...because you cant change what you feel for a person as per situations and surroundings...if you do...then i think you never can be a good friend...

A friend from college had called today...and he told me his problem...I talked to him for about 20 mins and consoled him...
I knew somewhere that i am not in the mood to console and comfort someone else...but I am glad i did it...and I am even more happy that it came to me naturally...
Dont worry Amit...Everything will be just fine...

I am always there...hope this goodness returns to me someday too...somewhere find the need for it now...

"The search for the truth is the most important work in the whole world — and the most dangerous"

Friday, October 12, 2007

Tonsils and fever

Was down with fever today...

I went to my Doc for some medicine and skipped morning lectures...


Doc: "Ohh....Tonsils...they are bad this time...you had something cold to drink??"

Me: " Yeahh....maybe...But im down with fever too...the tonsils arent botherin me that much..."

Doc: "Yes...thats wat...the fever is because of the tonsils!"

I just looked 2 mins at him with a blank face...I remembered the incident...
"Whats the relation between tonsils and fever ??? Your Doc must not know anythin... " i had told her...

And then...I just burst out laughing....

After reading this...You might just not get the joke in this...but somehow...this post is for me...and the joke also....for me...
:-)
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I wonder if the friendship is dead...somehow....there is no life left in it...people are too angry to realise what they really want...
I know exactly what i want...but i have to take care of my self respect...and even more than that...about others self respect...because...i dont want to force anything on anyone now...even though i knw somehow that is what is best....that is what is...COMPLETE...
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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thats it !!!

I have had enough of this now...You care about some people in your life...you want to know and help them out...but things just go bad...
I never intended to be where I am right now...I guess i was not taken in the proper way...WAS JUST TRYIN TO B A FRIEND....help someone out...

I thought about it today...and i realized i too might have made a mistake...and guess the situation now is out of hand...

I have been ignored and avoided too many times now...the situations may have been different but i hav had it with all this...right from engineering days...People acting according to their own convenience...what they dont understand maybe...is that friendship is not done according to your convenience...
arrghh....watever...i am not supposed to tell people what to do and what not to...!!!!
Maybe that was why i behaved this way...the fear of being ignored again...

I have triggered some things to seriously irritate...I know i have entered a space i shouldnt have..and somewhere i did expect too much too soon...but i just wanted to be there and help someone out...never expected or intended it to go this way...But i am glad at least others are not getting ignored and disliked...

I am glad Varun said i am one person among our college friends who has not changed...but somehow i feel i should have changed...I agree sometimes with my Mom when she says that me valuing my friends more than anythin else could be harmful...but i just cant help it...!

It affects me...Yes it does...because this is exactly what i wanted to avoid ...
May be i put in too much emotions here...but they just came out i guess...beyond my control...and now...as much as i dont want to...will have to keep and pull them back...and like i said before...put them at the right places and with the right people...

Pramod ( THE PALMIST) read my hand today again..LOL
He says ill achieve something big when i am 26...He also says im gonna earn too much in a short span of time...
It just brings a smile on your face...because i know it may not be true...but still...it feels good to hear nice things abt yourself...
:-)
oh yess...I am also sooo happy to have made a sister in college...!!!


Thank you for these moments...ill remember them all my life...

For now...
i have a lot many things to worry about...because i want to accomplish what i set out for...and i will do it...i just know i will...

I wish though that things will be back to normal again...cant put in words how deeply i want it to be normal...
Only time should tell...else...you always have abrupt endings...dont you...

For now...its about SELF RESPECT....and i totally understand...

Monday, October 08, 2007

Step One...

HE had warned me about how my anger will affect me...
I told him how it has grown on me...cause of the situations i had faced...where without being aggressive we wouldn't have been able to stand up for the right...

I hate the impulse it brings...and i know it affects me more than others...There is no excuse for the wrong...and so this has to be controlled...and this is the open realization and learning for it...
I WILL CONTROL MY ANGER...MY REACTIONS...MY IMPULSE...

Because...if i have given up the past....this goes with it...and i am hopin soon enough...

"However good an artist really is...the thought that his art will leave him some day...that the talent will just fade away...always haunts him throughout his life..."

Interesting day today...some things worth noting...

* There will always be people in your life who will care for you more than you would ever have thought of caring for them...and they might or might not say it to you ever!
* Contrast to the above,There will always be people in your life who you care about more than they could ever...and maybe you might never say it to them...

Both statements mean the same technically....but they vary in some way...they vary where it really "matters"...

Saturday, October 06, 2007

L O N E L Y

Life has been unfair...
I know it has..it always will be...and yes...i am done thinkin abt the past...The future awaits me...and the FOCUS OF LIFE is testing me....

"Think of marketing as the biggest heartbreak you ever had...and think about how u felt...compare it with the failure u have when you lose out on a sale...that feeling of what went wrong...thats the passion you should have for marketing..."

There are some things that i hate about the man who said this...some things about him which i find unethical and unforgivable...but he does talk sense...and i can sometimes relate to his talks...

The passion is driving me...I know exactly what i am here for...and i know what and where i want to be...
But there are still some questions that need answers...but may be i dont need to know them for now...



I feel like i am hurting someone these days by my actions...I dont want to really...and i seriously dont know what i am doing wrong...I dont want it to be this way...and it hurts me i cant do anythin abt it...But somehow...i dont know if the person is bothered or if i have done something to annoy...somewhere though...things arent the same...and i dont know the real reason for it... but i also dont know why i blame myself for it...


I saw these two little kids in the train while returning home...and one of them just held my finger and started laughing...It felt really nice to see that smile...sorta relaxed me for the 5 mins i was with them....
The unfair Life is also beautiful...if only the beginning and the end were more CLEAR...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

...I hope you dance....

I just love these lines....
They just energize you in a way...with H O P E...and a feeling that something positive awaits....


"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin might mean takin chances, but they're worth takin
Lovin might be a mistake but it's worth makin
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance....."


Monday, October 01, 2007

Sleeping to life...

There is little difference between what is meant to be and what really is...when it comes to LIFE...

I have realised that not all people that come into your life can be your best of friends...and that is exactly what the problem is..You care for people...but its not really necessary they care the same amount for you....they might not even bother sometimes...
And thats a bit frustrating at times...When you don get the same response...its not as if its expected...but u feel sometimes that it has to be two ways...
After a point of time though....you just stop bothering...because...you have a life of your own to lead...



Ever wondered how a dream at night sometimes always feels like a lifetime...Its like you have lead another life ....in some other world...with matters not needing or deserving explanations...
I have been having such dreams these days..
The funny part is....I AM LIVING A LIFETIME...Its something i cannot put up right here...but its just something that seems like another perfect world...
Its bothering me somewhere at the back of my mind though...because..i cant make out anything out of these dreams...
Dreams shouldn't be analyzed as they say...but when they revolve around the same thing....i think you need to take notice...
Why do the most amazing things only happen in dreams??


I am fearing a few things...but that doesnt stop me from being who i am or doing what i do...but it does keep the fear alive..because...somewhere i know that even though LIFE and PEOPLE cannot influence me...What if it just DOES take me back to the road i dont want to travel again?

Its a hard choice...but then....the problem is always CHOICE....
:-)
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