Thursday, February 18, 2016
As I watch her desperately grasping for each breath my heart reduces my belief in God. Each unjustified struggle that she makes to survive makes me angry, angry that God really can be so cruel. A woman who struggled all her life for her family and for her children, not bothered about her own self is now lying there, still struggling. All she asked was some peace. Everything else was for others. I can't watch you like this Mom. I really can't. And I am sorry that I stand before you completely helpless. All I have is tears and increasing anger.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Life is complicated,agreed. People tell you about ups and downs but only life teaches you how to deal with it. No one can prepare you, no one can advice..it hits you and you yourself need to deal with it.
I am sure everyone of us goes through these cycles...things we said, things we did not say, things happening around us we wished would never happen, things that have happened and we wished the outcome would have been different.
This present phase of life is stuck between happiness and sadness, lingering and being pulled from both sides. It's a weird phase to be in.
Wish Mom gets better.
Sunday, December 06, 2015
So it's been a bit too long since I have written down anything....oh wait...that's how ALL my posts start these days don't they? Umm...so let's skip a start for the post...lets be random today.
It's a Sunday morning and I love the bright sunshine that gushes through in my house. I love bright sunny mornings...they are a reminder of the positivity that life holds, a fresh start is waiting no matter what.
It's been 2 years since I bought my own house and owning your own house definitely has a very different "satisfying" feeling...one that is very difficult to express...but it's an accomplishment nonetheless that needed to be blogged down in the story of my life, hence the mention.
We are closing the end of 2015 and I can't wait to break for the holidays. It hasn't been the best year for the family and I personally just want to end it. A fresh start needed. 2016.
Don't you wish sometimes that you have a vault where you could simply dump the thoughts and experiences you do not want to carry the burden of and then never ever think of it again? 2015 for me has made a list of such experiences that I want to throw in that vault. Now don't get me wrong. It's not that bad - I believe (or at least try to believe) it's never that bad that you can't fight it. And fight it we will, for my mom. Because she has never given up...and she never will.
So let's shut it in that vault and move on.
Bring in the sunshine. It's time for a new day.
Sunday, November 01, 2015
Before you judge my rants.. let me give you a context and background for reference.
I have been born and brought up in this city and come from a working middle class grown over the years to the so called and nominated "upper-middle class" household in Mumbai. I have seen this city for over 30 years and have lived each day breathing the air here. My parents have always found an attachment to this city, knowingly so, because this is the city that fulfilled their dreams and has accommodated them, taught them, gave them opportunities as also consoled them in times of distress. They have been so attached to this city that even though we primarily hail from Goa, I was always asked to look for opportunities in Mumbai and advised to get myself educated here and make a career staying in Mumbai. While they weren't against me moving out, for them it was "Where else will you get what Mumbai has to offer? Everything best that you need is here... Education... Job...Bollywood... opportunity... its all here!" And honestly, growing up I could relate to that... why go somewhere else when all you need is here... closer to home... closer to family.
But I feel that over the years, we have stretched the rubber more than we should have. We are somewhere taking this city for granted and our ignorance has cost us dearly. Look around you, is this what you really imagined living in?