Sunday, September 09, 2018

Old pictures and the past.

I live in the past. I always have.
I feel its the past that keeps us sane - you look back at the things you did, right and wrong, at the moments that made you who you are, at the decisions that took you to where you are now.
That's why I treasure photos - they are a story of your life. People often ask me why I keep taking pictures every now and then...I get it - live the moment than waste it taking pictures...but keeping a memory of good times is equally important. Yes, your photos are mostly your good times, but isn't that what life is about...a story weaved out of happy moments?
Today afternoon was spent looking at old memories... I cant tell you how thankful I am for these pictures!
Preserve your old albums please. Go through them when you have the time. They mean so much, especially when you have lost a loved one.
I guarantee it will bring you peace.

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Update - Live a little more, care a little less.

This is interesting...blogging has become so deserted these days. I was thinking the other day that I dont write anymore which led me to check out other blogs, some interesting people I used to follow on blogger. I even remember waiting on some of these blogs where I used to wait for fresh updates, perspectives and learnings. Sadly now these "bloggers" (including me) have become twiterratis and long deep blogs have been cut down to strong opinions expressed in 280 character tweets.

I do miss writing though, looking at the day gone by and making things "profound" enough for the the world to read.

On a completely unrelated note to the above and just to jot down some updates where I last left this blog, I decided to pen down something.

Life has moved.

I feel more responsible now,always something or the other running through my head, almost pressured to achieve what you set out for when you started.Its funny that I always imagined how I would be at late 30 something and I am equally amused that even though its nothing like I imagined, I can now definitely relate to a lot of things you expect when you get to this age - the responsibilities and expectations Life has from you around this time, my friends, are "killing",to say the least.

 Dont get me wrong, Life right now is not all bad - it has its fun moments, success and high points, friendships you can count on and family whom you feel most close to at this age. But yea...there is always that slight tinge of a feeling that keeps asking - if given a chance wont you want to go back to the old times and your younger self? Live a little more, care a little less.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Mom

I can see her everywhere. I can feel her always. Whenever I feel low she instantly appears in front of my eyes, I imagine what she would have said, how she would have heard me out, how she would have reacted, how she would make all things okay.
I miss her so much.
She is gone, leaving behind a void that has left me incomplete. I feel helpless at times, thinking of how I would need to face the world alone now. Suddenly there is a surge of responsibility, a need to be mature, to act your age.
I wish there was a rewind button where I could go back and pause life so that she would stay with me.

I miss you mom. 

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Fall down and get up again.

You will fall down a hundered times but you will gather the courage somehow and from somewhere to get up again. You will not give up. You will fight. Because it's not the end yet and you have a long way to go.

I have been missing out some opportunities back to back in the last year but I know there is something greater waiting. And I will sit down at times and fret over why things are not working out for me, I will not continue trying. Because that is who we are, that is what makes us.

If I have been true to my talents and to my work, life will work out. Eventually. I will wait for that date.

Yes I will.

Sunday, September 04, 2016

Walk ahead.

No matter what happens...you can't stop time. You have to move. As I look back at the last few months, I realise that maybe some things in life you need to just accept as is and then look ahead. The reality of life is that some questions don't have answers. Some things that happened to you were meant to in that exact sequence and maybe ended to make way for larger, more happier and fruitful things in life.
I miss my mom. There is nothing that can fill in the void that her loss has put in my heart and I have to live with some unanswered questions - why she was taken away so early and seemingly before she could have lived a fuller life,why her, why not someone else, is  cancer really that random?

I may seem like I am not trying to find the answers to unanswered questions going ahead in life but know this...this has changed me a bit. Change, hopefully is good, as they say.
It better be.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Confidence.

While I gather the motivation and time to come back to writing, while I try telling myself all is not lost...that you are busy because you are working what you like and what you do best, you can crack yourself up on this :

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Struggle.

As I watch her desperately grasping for each breath my heart reduces my belief in God. Each unjustified struggle that she makes to survive makes me angry, angry that God really can be so cruel. A woman who struggled all her life for her family and for her children, not bothered about her own self is now lying there, still struggling. All she asked was some peace. Everything else was for others. I can't watch you like this Mom. I really can't. And I am sorry that I stand before you completely helpless. All I have is tears and increasing anger. 

Sunday, January 17, 2016

The tough days

Life is complicated,agreed. People tell you about ups and downs but only life teaches you how to deal with it. No one can prepare you, no one can advice..it hits you and you yourself need to deal with it.

I am sure everyone of us goes through these cycles...things we said, things we did not say, things happening around us we wished would never happen, things that have happened and we wished the outcome would have been different. 

This present phase of life is stuck between happiness and sadness, lingering and being pulled from both sides. It's a weird phase to be in. 

Wish Mom gets better.

Sunday, December 06, 2015

A bleh Sunday catch up.

So it's been a bit too long since I have written down anything....oh wait...that's how ALL my posts start these days don't they? Umm...so let's skip a start for the post...lets be random today.

It's a Sunday morning and I love the bright sunshine that gushes through in my house. I love bright sunny mornings...they are a reminder of the positivity that life holds, a fresh start is waiting no matter what.
It's been 2 years since I bought my own house and owning your own house definitely has a very different "satisfying" feeling...one that is very difficult to express...but it's an accomplishment nonetheless that needed to be blogged down in the story of my life, hence the mention.

We are closing the end of 2015 and I can't wait to break for the holidays. It hasn't been the best year for the family and I personally just want to end it. A fresh start needed. 2016.

Don't you wish sometimes that you have a vault where you could simply dump the thoughts and experiences you do not want to carry the burden of and then never ever think of it again? 2015 for me has made a list of such experiences that I want to throw in that vault. Now don't get me wrong. It's not that bad - I believe (or at least try to believe) it's never that bad that you can't fight it. And fight it we will, for my mom. Because she has never given up...and she never will.

So let's shut it in that vault and move on.

Bring in the sunshine. It's time for a new day. 

Sunday, November 01, 2015

Mumbai. What has happened to you?





Bloody mess everywhere... people,  people and more people. Crowd, crowd and even more crowd. 

Before you judge my rants.. let me give you a context and background for reference.
I have been born and brought up in this city and come from a working middle class grown over the years to the so called and nominated "upper-middle class" household in Mumbai. I have seen this city for over 30 years and have lived each day breathing the air here. My parents have always found an attachment to this city, knowingly so, because this is the city that fulfilled their dreams and has accommodated them, taught them, gave them opportunities as also consoled them in times of distress. They have been so attached to this city that even though we primarily hail from Goa, I was always asked to look for opportunities in Mumbai and advised to get myself educated here and make a career staying in Mumbai. While they weren't against me moving out, for them it was "Where else will you get what Mumbai has to offer? Everything best that you need is here... Education... Job...Bollywood... opportunity... its all here!" And honestly, growing up I could relate to that... why go somewhere else when all you need is here... closer to home... closer to family. 

But I feel that over the years, we have stretched the rubber more than we should have. We are somewhere taking this city for granted and our ignorance has cost us dearly. Look around you, is this what you really imagined living in?

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